Safe to say I'm..

Help

Help...whether it is offered or asked for?


One day, I was in college...a busy day as usual...but on that day it was slightly...shall we say..."heavy"

I need to distribute some papers to some of my classmates...so I need to a carry a box...but the thing is...carrying handouts to class is no big deal...the problem is when you have to carry everything including past years (with answer booklet) of every single subject on the same day plus the box, instantaneously and simultaneously was no ordinary ordeal...

So at this one point in class...got into a conversation...suddenly it end up i dont how to here..

"...as you can see, I'm carrying a lot of stuff...so,.bla bla bla,.." - me

" why didnt you ask for help? " - classmate

" because you didnt offer.."

"because you didnt ask.."

and then i cant remember vividly but we traded barbs on the matter until his analogy came up..

"if someone is going to kill you would you ask for help?"

"uhh..yeah...but...i'm not that desperate for help right now!"

"people should ask for help.."

"if you really want to help a person..you should offer it instead.."

And the thing just petered out...but somehow later...down the stairs...when I was taking a short break to reorganize all my stuff...the same person came up and offered to help...I just felt a bit awkward...because of my reluctance and ego...he is still willing to agree to follow my principle of help which is a bit erroneous.

But I just want to make it clear that sometimes there are reasons behind the way I acted...I dont want to spell everything out for people to know how I feel...

Besides, I wasnt really that in need for help...but in times of urgency and things that is impossible for me to solve myself..I know when to ask for help..but as long I can do things on my own...I dont want to burden other people with unnecessary errands.

But, through this experience...I decided to change my principle to be more lenient and moderate...I'll ask for help more often but not every single thing...hopefully I can achieve this in practice...

Salam...

Harapan

"Cukuplah Allah bagiku"

Sungguh ungkapan itu sangat mendalam dan benar...

"Sesungguhnya janji Allah itu benar"

Hanya Allah tempatku bergantung...janji Allah itu pasti datang...

Aku mengharap...terlalu mengharap...kepada manusia...yang hanyalah manusia...yg tidak mampu selain mencuba yg terbaik...kerana salah bukanlah mereka...yg salahnya diri ini...yg meletakkan harapan bukan di tempat sepatutnya...

Islam, the prerequisite of success

With each passing day, there is this one dilemma, I certainly could not get out from...which is about the joy and fulfillment of dunya or worldly matters...I was only thinking about dunya and lesser about hereafter...needless to say, I only found a dead end, where I felt that there is not one thing I've done right...and of course, we all know what we are talking about...

Alhamdulillah, when I think about Allah...He always brought me to realization...and indeed He is the Most Generous and Most Merciful...I was calm and rational again....I was again human...I was again the servant of Allah in nature...I realized that a lot of things in my life which are not done in the way it should be done...

To make things more vivid, I was referring to the recent A2 trial results...so, today, I have received all my results...and obviously, that feeling when you're not satisfied seeps to my brain...its nothing new but its something I want to straighten out...so, I was disappointed and frustrated...so I was searching of things to calm my nerves...and so, it lead me to think deeply...until at a point where I noticed the reason why I'm living in this world...and most of you can already guess what it is...

So, I forget about being disappointed and all...and I will not give up in fulfilling my reason to live...I will not give up in my studies..I will not give up supplicating to Allah...because He does not want me to give up...

To wrap things up...here is an article which is inspiring and eye-opening to anybody who wishes to be enlightened...

http://www.hadithoftheday.com/inspiration/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/

Salam..

First Day of the Lasts

The first day of the lasts would meant that today is the first day of my last 2 weeks in college here with my class, PE11...and I think everyone in my class is already in the state of mind where our days as classmates are numbered...hence, I took the time to ask some of my friends who are doing 1 and a half year A level programme about their plans to obtain their degree...many of them are also planning to go overseas...eventhough they are not sponsored...sometimes I feel rather guilty, if someone who performed better than me turns out not having anyone sponsoring them...This is also a challenge for me...I do not want to be a disservice to my sponsors and tax payers...and they are my benchmark...

Hence, this leads straight to my next point, my trial A2 results...I'm okay with it I guess...there are both good and bad about my overall results...particularly, my Maths were suffice to give me some moral boost, but I'm still not sure whether with the current grade I can improve my A level results to A*...I'm really considering to resit my Maths AS paper next year...and very surprising for Economics, I performed poorly compared to others...but anything else, it was okay and more or less manageable...but my objective, I should say is satisfactorily achieved...

So, I would really miss my friends who will not be joining us for next year or next semester...It really feels like yesterday when we were so anxious about how difficult is Further Maths, patiently undergone Malaysian Studies and barely know each other...and I definitely learn a lot about other races...and I certainly learn a lot from them as well...

A lot of difficulties we went through, like how our class rep Aiman had to complete the class' year book page but never managed to do it properly because of some cooperation and coordination problems...I definitely remember the Malaysian Studies classes...the classes can really either make you sit on the edge of your seat or doze off...and the project work is not an easy one...and I almost forgot about my short time in Thinking skills classes...Throughout the semesters, I reckoned that a lot of interesting moments have happened and we laughed about a lot of things that have been going around...

Not to forget, we will also part with our lecturers...I cant imagine having another mentor besides Mr. Vara...no arguing he is one of the nicest and best mentors and teachers in college...and all the lecturers are fun and know how make the class lively...I hope to be able to continue my studies even after they are no longer our subject lecturers...

 A few days more...and counting...salam..

Rainy Days and Mondays

The title has nothing much to do with my post today...just some of my thoughts which I thought worth while posting...for myself..

Actually, I was just wondering about someone who commented about my blog...I guess it had to do with the way how my life is portrayed...troubled and unhappy basically...actually, I don't know how to react to that...Maybe its mostly due to my mood...truth be told, I like to express myself when I am bothered or troubled by something...so writing about it in my blog is kind of like a way to vent out those stuff...its quite a straight-forward reason actually...

Or maybe partly because I am going through a phase in life which I have a lot of difficulty with...and that means in other words...it could be as just how you perceived it; troubled and hay-wired...

So, to worry or not...I think its rather of how life goes on..so it's ok...everyday I'm working on solutions for myself and probably the world even...lol...

Ok..for some real blogging...tomorrow I'll go to Kuantan for a short family retreat...and I'll be back on Monday...

Another thing that is on my mind is courtesy, etiquette and manners....lately, I have been meeting new people a lot...trust me...A LOT...students, families, teachers...there are so many...but anyways, the one thing that will always bother my mind is what sort of impression I had given to those people I just met...I really like to put myself on the safe side...I dont want to talk too much or talk too little...but in the end...I'll just end up being dull...so I'll just become another face in the crowd...which might be the thing I wanted after all...But, to me most important is not to be disrespectful to others...I can tolerate if people think I'm uninteresting, but I really dont want people to have a negative impression about me...I rather keep quiet than being irritating...but I credited myself for being able to wade through awkward situations unscathed...

Nevertheless, it always boils down to myself...I dont have to pretend who I am...but I can always heave a sigh of relief when I was able to make new friends and acquaintances without stepping on some toes...I was happy going through the process, eventhough sometimes it may be tiring...

Until then, salam...

Have a safe journey

To a very good friend of mine, Aiman Sanudin, have a safe trip to UK. Acturial science totally suits you especially when you have a niche for maths.You are one person I definitely wouldnt and shouldnt forget. Those 5 years of my life were crazy and amazing, and you would be one of the person that helped me to melt those years away. Those hectic days when we were prefects and feeling a bit under the pressure...copying each others' homework just to please teachers...trying our best not to sleep in class...lamenting how I spent my Saturday outings in cybercafes...I'm sure many people in our batch owed to you for all your heart-warming gestures and quirky personality.  Remember how you always asked me to wake you up in the mornings to study or for Subuh prayers..at least there's one favour I could do for you...and I appreciate how you would always thank me for that...All I can say is that it has been really nice knowing you all this while, and my life in STAR wouldnt be as great if you had not been there. At the same time, I also view you as my rival in academics..but as long as I can remember, I dont think it really matters..because you would always stay on top of me...lol...and its also because I decided that I wouldnt want to trade our friendship for anything else...hence, I was really happy that you got 1st place for SPM trials and secured the BNM scholarship eventhough I didnt get the chance for interview...And I hope you still keep the pen I gave you as souvenir which is the pen and only prize I won or lost in PPM finals...that is for being a great companion while I was dreading and grieving with the lost...in case you misplaced the pen..that's ok...but dont expect me to give you anymore after this...lol..

I know that without us realizing, time will change us who we are, but to me, there will be always things in life which time can never change...So, insyaAllah, I'll see you around in UK in a year or so...sorry for being cheesy, cant help myself...

Picking things up

And again I can see crossroads in front of me, while the others are still busy talking to each other. It seems its going to happen again...

This semester is going to end soon. And prediction of how calm and soothing semester this was going to be can go way down the tubes...of course, it was not as relaxing as I thought it would be...but it was indeed a life changing semester...such a big choice of words there...but its the only way I could describe my feelings right now...

All in all, I have to say that there are numerous events that occurred during this semester..I learned a lot of things from it...umm..apparently my initial intention to write about those experiences come to a halt as of this moment because I still feel I shouldnt disclose everything I do on the net...


But, there are things I can talk about which I would happily disclose and share...something I found quite personal as well...I'm going to talk about the things I watched like dramas,sitcoms, comedies and so on...

It is quite interesting enough to know how entertaining and liberating so to say watching stories or movies...come to think of it...I might prefer something more visual unlike reading to occupy myself...
But, just a little reminder before getting attached to those tv screens and glued to your laptops...remember not to go overboard...Actually this sudden habit I picked up after finishing school...yeah...because I got nothing much to do..so...I thought watching videos on the net seemed like a good idea..unlike tv..at least you can choose what you're watching instead of leaving yourself with no options to switch channels or shows...unless you own your own tv...Inevitably..there are things that I wished I never had seen on those films..but anyways...do pick up the useful and beneficial things from it...besides, its quite a good way to practice your verbal and communication skills too...

So, how about some reviews shall we...I dont like to explore too much though...so I just dig back whatever old things I watched when I was a kid...hence, Disney movies and productions seemed to me like one of the most inspirational things in my life...I mean..growing up with Disney just make your life feel so complete...it will make you see the world is not as complicated,big and miserable...so long as you have the values that the story was trying to brought forth...many people would agree with me that it is better than what you are being served these days with all the negative influences...swearing and sexual innuendos are at minimal is all in the good old days..feels like I was born yesterday...

I'm currently running a streak on Even Stevens...which I thought seemed quite balanced...comedy...not too perky...realistic..and most importantly gives that 'awww' and warm feeling inside you of happy ending...

                     

Basically, its about lives of a family, the Stevens family. But usually the story revolves around the teenagers, Louis and Ren. These siblings are totally the opposite of each other. What I can say is that, I can really like relate my life with whatever issues or rather plots in every episode. It really speaks about what values do people need to keep living a hopeful life in this world.

I like how the characters are portrayed. Ren is a girl, just to clear that out. Not an average girl though, she's beyond average. To me, she depicts those very perfectionist and "narcissistic" kind of person...I think most of us in dear reality would relate to her daily dilemmas if you are the kind of person who always wants to "succeed" in "life"...She is purely the Ms. Perfect in the story...she is practically good in everything...she had her pictures on the wall of fame for the best student for consecutive semesters..accepts no less than As for her grades...always particular about anything that will contribute to her ascend...She is also the principal's pet I might say and also the kind of person who would always show up on the podium in school events...practically everyone in the school recognized her as the epitome of perfection..she was also called "goodie two shoes" for her "responsible" behaviour.

Of course in every episode, the story poke holes in her life...showing how "imperfect" in reality she is compared to her brother Louis, who is the school troublemaker and described as "Nothing boy" by Ren, which she later apologized. Apparently for Louis, he is the kind of person who likes to be normal. But, technically he is not as normal as he is crazy with ideas and always goof around.

                                              

Problems Ren faced were rather, to me, the ordinary workaholic people would likely face...like of course, the flaws of Ren are always seen...like how un-athletic she is, she is always bothered by her busy schedule and surmountable pressure from teachers and peers alike...however, despite being popular and mighty, she has problems to understand people sometimes...for example, having negative perceptions about her brother and like people who are below her...

Louis' problems were of course of lower magnitude...but the situation always turn upside down as long as he is around, which explains why Ren is always annoyed...Louis is rather a complement to his sister as he is the one teaches Ren to lead a "normal" life. I really like this part a lot because it redefines how people choose to best lead their life and the values we have to carry. Louis' idea of normal is having fun and not taking things too seriously to a point where it will not be healthy for even Ren.   
 
Nevertheless, both characters also portrayed everyday problems with friendship and love. Ren, being the girl and older sister is always concern about her crush and having her friends (posse) to assist her in her relationships. Louis also have his two usual friends, Alan Twitty and Tawny Dean. Twitty would be the person to join Louis and his schemes while Tawny will rectify the situation and bring Louis to his senses. However, Louis and Tawny later developed their friendly relationships into love. However, this is developed throughout the episodes and they once officially confessed their feelings for each other. However their status as a couple caused their relationship to turn sour and problematic and thought it would be probably best to stay friends. Nevertheless, they always knew inside that they loved each other but maintained a fixed distance and always refer each other in public as friends.

                                        



Next up, one of my favourite movies, Pocahontas. It is quite a nice story to watch for a cartoon. If it wasn't for this movie, I would have never known about how America is actually formed by the Brits. Their descendants I mean. It is also quite open minded for the movie to be made, depicting how the native Indians are the initial people living in the New World. The best part is to see how the encounter of two different cultures, belief, skin colour, and race came to understand and trust each other in a colonialism setting. If not for Pocahontas' encounter with John Smith, the native Indians might have been invaded and eradicated. I would think Pocahontas as a hero who chooses diplomacy with the white men.

           
                                                       




I'm sure everyone has stories that they have heard,seen or read about which may be even more interesting and life changing. And all of them are different. They might not be your or my real experiences, but this is as close as it gets to the real thing. These are the things that shape us who we are. Regardless how old you get, these values are the ones that we are going to teach our children. And we stick to those values. Pheww, the word "values" I used a lot today...

Sigh

Mama and ayah...I'm so sorry...I can barely handle all these responsibilities...sorry I could not spent as much time with you as I would...I dont know if I'm making the right choices and decision...but I will always try to make you happy...