Have a safe journey

To a very good friend of mine, Aiman Sanudin, have a safe trip to UK. Acturial science totally suits you especially when you have a niche for maths.You are one person I definitely wouldnt and shouldnt forget. Those 5 years of my life were crazy and amazing, and you would be one of the person that helped me to melt those years away. Those hectic days when we were prefects and feeling a bit under the pressure...copying each others' homework just to please teachers...trying our best not to sleep in class...lamenting how I spent my Saturday outings in cybercafes...I'm sure many people in our batch owed to you for all your heart-warming gestures and quirky personality.  Remember how you always asked me to wake you up in the mornings to study or for Subuh prayers..at least there's one favour I could do for you...and I appreciate how you would always thank me for that...All I can say is that it has been really nice knowing you all this while, and my life in STAR wouldnt be as great if you had not been there. At the same time, I also view you as my rival in academics..but as long as I can remember, I dont think it really matters..because you would always stay on top of me...lol...and its also because I decided that I wouldnt want to trade our friendship for anything else...hence, I was really happy that you got 1st place for SPM trials and secured the BNM scholarship eventhough I didnt get the chance for interview...And I hope you still keep the pen I gave you as souvenir which is the pen and only prize I won or lost in PPM finals...that is for being a great companion while I was dreading and grieving with the lost...in case you misplaced the pen..that's ok...but dont expect me to give you anymore after this...lol..

I know that without us realizing, time will change us who we are, but to me, there will be always things in life which time can never change...So, insyaAllah, I'll see you around in UK in a year or so...sorry for being cheesy, cant help myself...

Picking things up

And again I can see crossroads in front of me, while the others are still busy talking to each other. It seems its going to happen again...

This semester is going to end soon. And prediction of how calm and soothing semester this was going to be can go way down the tubes...of course, it was not as relaxing as I thought it would be...but it was indeed a life changing semester...such a big choice of words there...but its the only way I could describe my feelings right now...

All in all, I have to say that there are numerous events that occurred during this semester..I learned a lot of things from it...umm..apparently my initial intention to write about those experiences come to a halt as of this moment because I still feel I shouldnt disclose everything I do on the net...


But, there are things I can talk about which I would happily disclose and share...something I found quite personal as well...I'm going to talk about the things I watched like dramas,sitcoms, comedies and so on...

It is quite interesting enough to know how entertaining and liberating so to say watching stories or movies...come to think of it...I might prefer something more visual unlike reading to occupy myself...
But, just a little reminder before getting attached to those tv screens and glued to your laptops...remember not to go overboard...Actually this sudden habit I picked up after finishing school...yeah...because I got nothing much to do..so...I thought watching videos on the net seemed like a good idea..unlike tv..at least you can choose what you're watching instead of leaving yourself with no options to switch channels or shows...unless you own your own tv...Inevitably..there are things that I wished I never had seen on those films..but anyways...do pick up the useful and beneficial things from it...besides, its quite a good way to practice your verbal and communication skills too...

So, how about some reviews shall we...I dont like to explore too much though...so I just dig back whatever old things I watched when I was a kid...hence, Disney movies and productions seemed to me like one of the most inspirational things in my life...I mean..growing up with Disney just make your life feel so complete...it will make you see the world is not as complicated,big and miserable...so long as you have the values that the story was trying to brought forth...many people would agree with me that it is better than what you are being served these days with all the negative influences...swearing and sexual innuendos are at minimal is all in the good old days..feels like I was born yesterday...

I'm currently running a streak on Even Stevens...which I thought seemed quite balanced...comedy...not too perky...realistic..and most importantly gives that 'awww' and warm feeling inside you of happy ending...

                     

Basically, its about lives of a family, the Stevens family. But usually the story revolves around the teenagers, Louis and Ren. These siblings are totally the opposite of each other. What I can say is that, I can really like relate my life with whatever issues or rather plots in every episode. It really speaks about what values do people need to keep living a hopeful life in this world.

I like how the characters are portrayed. Ren is a girl, just to clear that out. Not an average girl though, she's beyond average. To me, she depicts those very perfectionist and "narcissistic" kind of person...I think most of us in dear reality would relate to her daily dilemmas if you are the kind of person who always wants to "succeed" in "life"...She is purely the Ms. Perfect in the story...she is practically good in everything...she had her pictures on the wall of fame for the best student for consecutive semesters..accepts no less than As for her grades...always particular about anything that will contribute to her ascend...She is also the principal's pet I might say and also the kind of person who would always show up on the podium in school events...practically everyone in the school recognized her as the epitome of perfection..she was also called "goodie two shoes" for her "responsible" behaviour.

Of course in every episode, the story poke holes in her life...showing how "imperfect" in reality she is compared to her brother Louis, who is the school troublemaker and described as "Nothing boy" by Ren, which she later apologized. Apparently for Louis, he is the kind of person who likes to be normal. But, technically he is not as normal as he is crazy with ideas and always goof around.

                                              

Problems Ren faced were rather, to me, the ordinary workaholic people would likely face...like of course, the flaws of Ren are always seen...like how un-athletic she is, she is always bothered by her busy schedule and surmountable pressure from teachers and peers alike...however, despite being popular and mighty, she has problems to understand people sometimes...for example, having negative perceptions about her brother and like people who are below her...

Louis' problems were of course of lower magnitude...but the situation always turn upside down as long as he is around, which explains why Ren is always annoyed...Louis is rather a complement to his sister as he is the one teaches Ren to lead a "normal" life. I really like this part a lot because it redefines how people choose to best lead their life and the values we have to carry. Louis' idea of normal is having fun and not taking things too seriously to a point where it will not be healthy for even Ren.   
 
Nevertheless, both characters also portrayed everyday problems with friendship and love. Ren, being the girl and older sister is always concern about her crush and having her friends (posse) to assist her in her relationships. Louis also have his two usual friends, Alan Twitty and Tawny Dean. Twitty would be the person to join Louis and his schemes while Tawny will rectify the situation and bring Louis to his senses. However, Louis and Tawny later developed their friendly relationships into love. However, this is developed throughout the episodes and they once officially confessed their feelings for each other. However their status as a couple caused their relationship to turn sour and problematic and thought it would be probably best to stay friends. Nevertheless, they always knew inside that they loved each other but maintained a fixed distance and always refer each other in public as friends.

                                        



Next up, one of my favourite movies, Pocahontas. It is quite a nice story to watch for a cartoon. If it wasn't for this movie, I would have never known about how America is actually formed by the Brits. Their descendants I mean. It is also quite open minded for the movie to be made, depicting how the native Indians are the initial people living in the New World. The best part is to see how the encounter of two different cultures, belief, skin colour, and race came to understand and trust each other in a colonialism setting. If not for Pocahontas' encounter with John Smith, the native Indians might have been invaded and eradicated. I would think Pocahontas as a hero who chooses diplomacy with the white men.

           
                                                       




I'm sure everyone has stories that they have heard,seen or read about which may be even more interesting and life changing. And all of them are different. They might not be your or my real experiences, but this is as close as it gets to the real thing. These are the things that shape us who we are. Regardless how old you get, these values are the ones that we are going to teach our children. And we stick to those values. Pheww, the word "values" I used a lot today...

Sigh

Mama and ayah...I'm so sorry...I can barely handle all these responsibilities...sorry I could not spent as much time with you as I would...I dont know if I'm making the right choices and decision...but I will always try to make you happy...

A shift of stance

Salam...I just realized something..that something inside me which I think I should have kept within myself, is eroded with time...

I realized that I refused to take opportunities to learn...instead...I focused on making sure...I succeed in everything I do...this is which I think is a little bit impeding on my growth and expansion for performance...in other words...I'm too scared to fail...or at least I do not want to relish the idea of failing...failing might not always be something bad...in my circumstance...perhaps I need to open up...because in accumulation of all failures...will lead to a permanent success...

I also think that I have discouraged myself from giving advises...I'm afraid of the fact that I do not follow my own advice i.e a hypocrite...but I should not allow this to persist...I must continue to give advises...and this will create a pressure for me to follow my own advice...

A2 Trials is coming really soon...it is my last chance at weathering my future...as I said earlier...everything is more or less determined already...but there is something I must do...it is partly ego but I try to think of it as a platform to self improve...nothing is simple anymore...even the things that were similar in the past..

Thank You

I'm grateful to have known you guys. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin...

Learnt your lesson already?

AS result has already been released. I am grateful for it. But I am worried if I wont be able to secure an offer to go to universities that require much much higher qualifications. I'm speechless...

Anyways, my campaign would be more or less over though now. In the end, I flopped I think. It was rather a mission failed. So, here I am now. I am not sure what to do next.

Hence, I have a new objective. Just a personal one. I want to get the best results for my A2 trials. Just for my own sake. It wouldn't affect much at this point.

Sometimes, I tried to think why it has come to this? I really think that there are other factors which I could have changed. For example, my dilemma between laziness and tiredness. It is quite a good wake up call though for me.


Is there any implications out of all this. I mean, what are the obvious things that I can see after the results are announced. Well, I can see some are heaving a sigh of relief. And I have a long road to go. Truth is, I am quite disappointed. Some people think I am not capable to help them in academics when I offered it. I just have to concede I am a lower rank echelon comparatively.

So, everything is more or less determined now. I just have to use whatever I have now to build a better future. Salam.

Intrigued

Intrigued is the feeling I could describe myself right now. Lately, there is much development in my life. A lot of interesting things had happened also. Some are really pleasant, some are perplexing, some are just complicated. SO, I am intrigued at how everything is as it is. Of course, I have Allah to thank for this. Alhamdulillah. The month of Ramadhan has been so great. It has always been. Although I might complain a little bit on my part ; I have not done as much tarawih as I had, so far since I left school. So, I was wondering to myself why this occurred and I can tell you the reasons right away. However, I would be ashamed of myself. Only Allah knows my situation right now. Nevertheless, the spirit of Ramadhan actually comes within ourselves. If your surrounding is not as Ramadhan, then you'll have to make it Ramadhan. What I'm trying to say is that, the Ramadhan begins with us. We make Ramadhan as how it is. SO, that is another thing which I'll try to improve on.


FYI, I miss Ramadhan in STAR. Almost everyday without fail, I would go for tarawih. Partly because it is part of the daily schedule. But, the activity itself gives great satisfaction. I would admit I would have wasted most of my Ramadhan if I have not done all those things. And the same question pricked me again and again, if you could do it then, why not now? Well, I have been trying to answer that too. The real world is not as ideal anymore. That's my comment. Anyways, I'll have to adapt to achieve that ideal state.


Moving on, I was also elated to know my...student I guess...I am currently tutoring economics for my lecturer's son. He managed to pass his econs test. So, I'm really happy. Because I was worried that my presence do not give any added value to his education. I was really on the verge of giving up...not on him...but on myself...I'm afraid that I may have failed myself...I thought if he can get a better tutor, it would have helped him a lot more. Then, this incident gave me a little bit of assurance,confidence,a sign and an indicator on how I should just continue on with the tutoring.


The 3rd semester seemed to be coming to an end soon. Quite soon actually. To be frank, sooner than I hoped it would. That is actually quite surprising ; those words actually came from me. So, you want the 3rd semester to be longer is it?? What is wrong here!? You want more classes? The reasons? Hurm...I can't tell really. But surely one of the reason is because A2 Trials is too near!! I have only 1 week to work with. Plus, this is going to be another important determinant of my forecast result.

Talking about academics, everyone is buzzing about the UCAS application (university application). The contagion about forecast results might have been caused by me. A small part of it at least. I think it is a like a taboo or something to be asking our lecturers about this. Plus, there is a sense of caution in the air. Furthermore, everyone is starting to fire up their personal statements. All of these things are based on one main objective. To get the university of our dreams. And one important thing to bear in mind is that spaces are limited.

Hence, my AS result is coming real soon. I am freaking myself out. On my own accord, I dont think I performed at my best during AS. SO, that is another worrying factor. But the result will enlighten a lot of things really. Like how realistic is my uni choices. But then again, there is the forecast. SO, there is so much things to look out for. The idea that I need to bury some of greatest dreams had stifled me for the past few weeks. Like I decided to not apply Oxbridge. It is quite disappointing a bit. SO, this AS result will also tell me roughly about what are my chances to get to OTHER universities besides Oxbridge. I was actually hoping for a London uni. It is a good thing that my friend reminded me how Allah's plans are for our betterment. Indeed I have tried, now I will work with what I have and just do my best in the future.

Thank you to all the people that had been with me through thick and thin. Surely, not everything is what it seems. But in reality, all you are just great and really nice people. Salam.

P/S : Thank you Cikgu Shahnun for your heart warming post. It really made me happy. Thank you so much.