Sometimes

Bismillah...Salam everyone....I just felt like updating myself here now...its 1 am...and it is somewhat common for me nowadays to stay up like this...I used to sleep early...not anymore I guess...this might be due to my expanding schedule and increasing commitment that streched my energy limits...I felt like I can sacrifice a little bit and perhaps get used to it...

So you might be asking why all of sudden I am developing this surprising habit...I decided to make things more "physical" in a sense that I need work or do something at least a little bit more than I used to...In which case I already dedicated myself to a whole bunch of debate scenes and chess tournaments...academics are not spared as I vowed to finish every single one of my homework before the next lesson...as if that was some kind of a new idea which I'm pretty sure everyone would have done that kind of thing already...

So progress have been okay...I am more focused now in what I need to do in life and the goals that need to be achieved...I just pray that I will go about smoothly without a hitch...

This is what the next two weeks might look like...

1) Chess competition in Kompleks Wilayah, KL ( Sunday 29 Jan )

2) First tutor session with Ms. Wong's son ( Tuesday )

3) HSDO Open in IMU (Friday)

So, I'm pretty much anxious about going through all this...I hope that everything goes well...


Now, what does the title tell about "Sometimes"?...I like this word...most songs I like also has these words in it...and it also has a special place to me...I just like to say that...sometimes...in the midst of all these hecticness...I remembered and been continuously reminded about some memories of the past from time to time...I think that I can forget about it for a while...but sometimes they'll come around...make me smile or feel down....and I am wondering how I can make the present and future just as memorable...but why do I find it hard to do so?...I wonder...


And I feel like letting it out...telling to someone that knows...how does it feel to be "here"...I could have told many things that seemed so magical and very sentimental...but I think I am the only one who would understand...so I ended up living in my own world...

And I'm quite fine with it...its just that sometimes I get lonely too...

Hating people

I just feeling like doing a self reflecting post at the moment...for us to be a better person in future insyaAllah...

The topic I like to post today is about having a negative feeling for a human being...

So...lets start by having multiple examples to have a clear picture as to why people give way to hating...as there is a saying...I don't know where I got this from...

"everyone in this world wants to love and to be loved"...

just something to think about...a realist might see this is hogwash...

Anyways...have you ever hated someone?...really?...lets try to be honest...to the very least...have you ever feel like avoiding someone because you don't like him or her that much...I know I do have my own share of circumstances...

Example 1

A: I really hate that guy...he is so arrogant...why can't he keep it to himself...did I ask him about great he is...NO!!!

And as such if you ever came across such situation....lets say you're person A...you've know someone that keeps telling you things that might not be the MOST RELEVANT info...or always seem to bug you how much you feel inferior to that person...

REASONING

I think the main reason is that...we feel INFERIOR or JEALOUS to that someone...and we unfairly judge him for being ARROGANT...think about it....have you been outstanding in something and people start calling you names?...or you feel like sharing with everyone some experience or knowledge that you might think is beneficial...but somehow the way you say it make people label you as BOASTFUL?...I think it is just not fair for everyone in this sense...

Example 2

A: Gosh she's RUDE...do you see what she did just now!?....she knocked down me down and didn't even apologize...

REASONING

Maybe that person is in a rush...she is such in a hurry that she didn't even have time to apologize...or something is bothering her mind...worse, she probably needs to go to the washroom...BAD...basically...we don't know...as they say..."don't judge a book by its cover"...so don't jump into the conclusion that she is a bad person...

Example 3

A: She's a liar...period...she never delivers...

B: Liars...Hate 'em...

REASONING

THIS becomes more challenging...who likes being lied to?...who does rite?...typically DUH!!!...but that does not reserve you the right to hate the person...unnecessarily...have you ever tried to think why he or she lied?...although this has a VERY LARGE & DIRECT moral implication...what will you get by hating the person anyway...we should sympathize as to why this person chooses to be perceived as injustice people and rely on people's trust for their survival...surely...liars will not feel content about their life...what makes them choose to do so?...

Example 4

A: She said she loves me...now she's with that guy...ArGHHH!!!

REASONING

tsk tsk...tut tut...pity pity...I guess you'll just have to move on dude...when we talk about love...when someone refuses...then there is just a vacuum in a relationship...doesn't mean also you should fill it with vengeance...just wish them the best in life...

Example 5 (last one)

A: Hey...lets go hangout...I'll ask C to tag along...

B: err...do you have to?...can't we just not call him...

A: Why?..I thought we're friends...

B: I know...still...I prefer if he's not with us...

*Later with C...*

C: I heard you guys went out yesterday.

B: Yup...(without guilt and smiled)

A: *Looks away*

C: *Looks at both A & B...expecting at least a sorry*

Okay then...(walks off)

REASONING

C might feel resentful and unhappy...and perhaps develop a sense of uneasiness...perhaps a low level of hatred...B on the other hand established a stance and making it clear on disliking C...A chooses to abstain (but most likely siding B)...so...it started off with B's problem to accept C in its social circle...also similarly to Example 4...I would introduce this theory..."natural selection"...we always want the best person to be with us...but then...natural selection will cause competition...and as competition goes...one will lose and the other will succeed...at least by this understanding of concept...we will find lesser reason to hate when losing in a "competition".

Another possibility...hating a person for what they are...is not good to begin with...its like saying

"the world is better off without you"..

Well...we're not the party to judge that...I think for B...B should be more objective in friendship...its hard if not impossible...friendship or love is subjective rite?...but still...as human beings...we must be kind and caring to all people...regardless of how they look...etc....cliche...I know...no one's perfect...but doesn't mean we shouldn't work towards it...

CONCLUSION

I can conclude here that....most of the reason why we hate a person is because we have the WRONG ASSUMPTION/IMPRESSION about a person...Apparently, we would have the wrong approach in evaluating and defining a person...MOST IMPORTANTLY..it is best to assume that ALL PEOPLE ARE GOOD...it doesn't have to be true...because ultimately...what we want is to create a loving and caring society that wishes the best for everyone life and afterlife....

Another reason why we must keep hating a person at minimum is because...we are actually hating the person's actions or behaviour....NOT THE PERSON ITSELF...if the person turns a new leaf...what is left to hate about?...because that's all we hoped for anyway ; people to change.

Hopefully...we will be given the light to see truth...

Salam...wallahualam...sorry for any misconception...

A year full of concessions

Conceding...it maybe a sign of weakness...but...at one point...yes...I am weak...there are many things which I am capable of...but there are more which I am not...on the flip side...conceding means accepting or realizing there are better things to achieve and moving on basically...

It seems 2011 had already reach its end...to reminisce the events for this year...it seems unbelievable that a year had just flew by...just like THAT...I would say...again as most years do...this is one of the most turbulent years EVER...these comments are seasonal I know...but at least the explanation underlying the comment might pique your curiosity....

Let me just highlight a little bit of introduction about what I think 2011 had been for me...it started off sombre...and enlightening as we proceed...witnessing a volatile fluctuation in the middle of the year..the later half of the year...the graph went through a downward trend...and with some efforts and measures...it rebounds towards the end of the year...by how much we will have to wait until next year...

Set aside the enthusiastic way of elaborating things...basically...why it was a challenging year is because...it was full of uncertainties...

Suddenly...I don't have the mood to do a summary for the year...maybe too soon for that...until then...enjoy Carpenters...it says all that needs to said from me...

Another step on the stepping stones

Alhamdulillah...looks like it has been 1 semester already...i.e... 2 weeks more before holiday...muahaha...but before that....I need to really ace an exam...this exam is particularly crucial to determine which university in UK will I go in two years time...so...yeah...scared actually...and I'm not so confident at the moment...especially for further maths....there's always questions popping out as though I've never seen or learn anything pertaining to it...hopefully if I do enough exercises...things would average out...

Truth be told...I'm not aiming too high...I just would like to please everyone...the sponsor...my parents...and at last...I could sit down for a while and think what I want to really do in life after I am certain where exactly I'm heading now after a nod from SC about my soon-to-be enrolled university...

This is because I feel like I am at a disadvantage...taking subjects which I knew...wasn't at all my best bet...I tried to look at the bright side...at least I'm learning subjects which are my weaknesses...so that's pretty much patched up...but I maybe sacrificing a little bit of opportunity to reach my full potential...

So..that's for academics...it seems like its SPM again...for the fivers for this year I mean...so...its been a year already....how time flies...I really feel like it was just yesterday I took SPM...mysteries of life I guess...so...this also mark another transition moment in my life...as I entered a phase...in which its no longer about adapting anymore...its about...living with what you have already established...

I'm forecasting a calmer season next year...a little bit of surprises...but definitely less stressful...but at the turning point...I will be extremely nervous about my forecast results...I really hope for a good one...I really don't want to disappoint anybody....

Friends here are same like anywhere...even STAR...at random distribution kind of way...it means generally...people are well..people...they are different...so...basically its the same everywhere...but still I treasure until today...the days...the times I had with STARians...I accept the fact we can never return the way we were...or even be on the same page...I realize I can never treat them like before...because we're different now...but I still believe deep down...we are always what we once were...I still view us as the same old person...never changing...

So...wish me luck and pray for my success...salam... =D

Praying Everyhting Would Be Fine

Again...I might be complaining about my life....dear Allah...forgive all my sins...I would prefer using the term contemplating or making reflections to improve myself....

Lately...still...I still feel so difficult to continue with life...why do I now like to make so much comparison...like for instance...now and before....me and others...which again brought me to the question...why am I thinking about all these things now...not back then...did I used to complain now compared to back then?...I don't really know...I can't remember...but I know Allah knows...

SO...lets try to assume I didn't...is this a good sign?...does it mean I had a better life before?....what is the difference between then and now?...was I doing so well back then?....

Now, lets analyze the reasoning I synthesized...maybe...in reality...and the REAL WORLD to be exact...we face the real thing in which everything is above us...people tend to challenge our ways and force us to change....meeting people who are always one step ahead of us....making us feel no role to play in this world...

So basically...now I realize how small and pathetic I am...but I must take this positively...in the sense that I should be grateful...to be enjoying life...more than the unfortunate ones that even myself would have conceded not to be able to bear the same burden or I would call test by Allah...

Today also...many things which almost happenned didn't happen...I mean the bad ones...like...I was driving to KDU...I didn't know where exactly I was going...but in the end I reached there safely...and there were a lot of instances I almost met with an accident...at the same time, there was also a time I was walking down the staircase and almost fell...but I didn't...Alhamdulillah for today...

But still...I feel so inferior to be honest...with certain people...I realized that this might not be the best way to feel...but is this a sign that I'm left behind in this very competitive world?...in studies...debate...chess...anything at all?...

In another aspect...I think I'm more reserved now than before...I choose to isolate myself...initially that was what I want...now that I got what I want...then I feel bad at times...typical flip flops...


I'm still wondering...and continue to...waiting for something...

I feel like seeing you...and I tried to think of a reason to say to you...I just can't spell it out...and I wonder what can we talk about when we meet...I don't know...sorry...

My life is a continuous stream with 1 end

I recently just realized...that my life is full of blessings...dear Allah I beg for forgiveness for not being grateful...

The title explains how I have to repeat a moment in life where I have to search for an identity...truthfully...I feel slightly hopeless..and lost for directions...when I am exposed to so many roads and paths to choose from...and I am tempted to choose and try different ways to live life...

Indeed,...if I choose the wrong path...I might end up living a wrong life...so now I decided not to listen to the voices which tell me to change...when sometimes we might change for the worse...

I still not fully recovered from the "leaving-school" syndrome...I really just can't...it's really different now...the greatest challenge back then compared to now is that...only now I had to learn to live on my own...

I still remember the moment last year when I asked my friend...if I can survive the outside world...it seems the answer would be an optimistic yes...but easier said then done...

I also decided to think my life as 1 road instead of different roads to choose from...because in the end...I know where I want to go already from the start...I know what needs to be done...the road now is entering a dark tunnel...but I know its the right path for me...even when I'm alone in this road...

Study has been on the bright side Alhamdulillah...its not the best result compared to the others...but still...I am grateful just as long I can continue my scholarship and get a job...

Salam...

What?...

Its an expression per se...I'm just confused...and worried at the same time..


What do I do now?...