Beberapa minggu yang lepas (actually seminggu) , beberapa insiden yang amat significant telah berlaku dalam diari hidup saya...
1)HKSBP 2012
2)Physics Test (AS)
Alamak itu je...nevertheless...dua perkara ni menimbulkan pelbagai thoughts in my mind...and also if you noticed I'm using "rojak" because I think its better to express my mind to the fullest in this medium of communication...
HKSBP 2012 merupakan HK yang amat bermakna dalam hidup saya...walaupun saya bukan participant...tetapi rasa belonging yang sangat kuat di sini...sekali lagi saya menjejakkan kaki di bumi STAR...yang merupakan dunia saya seketika dahulu...I dont know how to say it...this place...tempat ini...have a special place in my heart...kalau dulu, most of the things that concerns me hanya within the borders of the school...we dont have time to think of anything else...we already have our hands full dengan things happening in the school...minda kita dipagari...with so many assumptions and assertions...that somehow keeps us safe and alive...from the harsh realities of the world...bila dah melangkah keluar dari sekolah..barulah terasa...tingginya langit, rendahnya bumi...nothing is what it seems...somehow, the world out there, a lot of things which doesnt seem right...appears to be the norm...
Okay, back to my experiences of this year's HK...saya amat berpuas hati dengan team...but of course, there is room for improvement...it started out well, they were full of optimism...and I just came and trying to settle down for a while in Ipoh...and there seems no need to rush because they were quite prepared...I just take my own time then...Truth be told, I was a bit tempted to know...whether my name is there yet in the hall..because I never had seen it for myself before...saya sebenarnya eager to see it...because hopefully, it will motivate me with regards to what I am going through now in college...and actually, I immediately reached the hall first that evening...unfortunately, the hall was under renovation..so not yet I guess...
Anyways, I woke up the next day..it is actually the first day of HK where people register and everything...so, for us...nothing to do...kinda free...Pagi2 lagi saya dah bangun and ordered the team for a training...of course, I am just there to guide and train...saya bukan captain...so to listen or not is for them to decide...I met a few teachers in the morning, such as Mdm Mastura Shaari, Mr King , and Ayahanda himself. As my initial intention, to go to the hall...and yes..is luckily there..my name on the list of students with their respective year..I dont know what to feel really...I'm just glad I guess...its kind of unexpected really...sejujurnya, saya rasa...these things are just occurrences...saya tak patut rasa terlalu bangga dengan insiden tersebut...realitinya...ada yang lebih baik daripada saya..
Nothing really for the day...and the next day started...the rounds and everything...it seems pretty much and easy route for them to reach the critical rounds...So, I was occupying myself with handing out goodie bags to the teachers...it wasn't an easy task though...I have to see the teachers one by one and return to the rumah tamu where I'm staying to refill the bags...and also, on the same day, I took my SPM certificate at the office...
So, to cut to the chase, it all continues to the last day I guess...banyak perubahan to the school I've seen so far...the teachers never fails to make me smile...it makes me feel so lucky to be in this school...furthermore, some of my batch members also came...the teachers...their words really affect me deeply...its is again quite motivating...linking myself to my former world...but again, a lot of things I picked up from my visit to STAR...both good and bad...something happened I guess between me and the debate crew..maybe there was a bit of misunderstanding...or lack of prioritization..but, still...there are people who seemed very supportive of me...and believes in me...and understands the things that had been going on in my head...and I'm glad that person took my words pretty well...and even to the last minute...
The day has a very weird aura to it...I was panicking at the same time...STAR vs SDAR...and my physics test is coming up..and it is also the time for me to head back to Shah Alam...I'm glad they did their best...but I don't know what happened...after the semi-final ended...straight away me and my batch mates head for the ending ceremony...saya rasa cukup berdebar....saya tak tau apa nak rasa....tetapi ada tanda2 yang saya telah terima tentang keputusan semi-final...sama seperti keadaan saya pada 2010...saya hanya mampu menunggu hingga the official truth comes out through the speakers...saya seakan-akan tak boleh percaya perjalanan kami berhenti sampai di sini sahaja...partcipating in HK rasa seperti satu perjalanan yang sangat jauh...perjalanan yang memakan masa berhari-hari...menuju kejayaan untuk meraih gelaran juara..tetapi terhenti dalam sekelip mata...tanda pertama adalah apabila saya diberitahu oleh junior saya tentang keputusan seorang hakim yang kami kenal, who gave STAR the lost..I couldn't believe it..because the judge gave me the win in 2010 in the semis...and also tanda kedua is when I met Mdm Ju at the stadium...she saw me...I saw her..and she slightly shook her head and looked down...I sense the inevitable...as I waited anxiously in the stadium...perhaps I knew the result already...but I continued to held my hopes high until the last minute...
The result came out...I couldn't say anything...but I was in a rush that time...the slight thought about my physics exam brings chills to my spine and make my stomach turn...so, I have to ignore a little bit the whole atmosphere and start packing...Luckily, Ckg Shahnun was around, and I asked him a favour to distribute the rest of the buah tangan to the teachers...one more task done...I bade farewell to everyone and head home...luckily I wasn't driving, because I asked my friend to replace me behind the wheels...
So, the whole thing ended, in a sad way...but then, an obstacle for me is directly in front of me...saya dah mula rasa tak sedap hati nak ambil test....rasa macam dah prepared...tapi we can never be sure...And so, esoknya...I would say...it is one of the worst test I took for Physics...now I'm really in trouble..nak salahkan pergi HK tak boleh..sebab I did actually study...and even if I did more questions...the question that I can't answer in the test seems to weird and unfathomable..so...until today rasa sangat insecure..saya tak tahu nak cakap macam mana...so, saya cuba kuatkan diri saya untuk redha dan hadapi apa jua consequences yang akan terjadi dalam beberapa bulan nanti..saya mungkin tak dapat university yang saya nak....saya juga bukan lagi yang terbaik...namun..insyaAllah...I have tried my best...to make my life serves its purpose...
Okay...cukup luahan untuk kali ini...until we meet again...salam...
~Knowing you is one of the best things that has ever happened to me...I'll remember it even if you don't...~
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