Keeping it real...(sigh)...when many people would say I'm living in my own world with pixies and fairies, I just like to say...you can call me anything you like and say anything you like about how I live my life...This is my principle...if I die holding on to it...SO BE IT..
The "real world" they call it...is not an ideal place...where everything is not always proper and nice to you...to me...I don't care about what is it that plagues the world today...if I choose the way I want to live my life...you'll just have to watch me then...because really...I don't care..because I know what I'm doing is right...why do I have to follow what everybody else is doing?
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Mind Interrogation
In the modern globalized world today, people's lives have took a more perpetual pattern. When most people have more a less the same plans on how to live their life. Get good education, and a good job, and a good retirement plan and well, the end.
People become more and more competitive. To get a "good" life, you have to succeed in obtaining wealth,popularity and other heart's desire. Methods of achieving them are countless. Some are purely effort, and some are cunningly cheating their way to the top.
Despite all of this, I as a Muslim, must reflect back about life's intended purpose. And perhaps I am taking worldly matters a bit too much. Here are some things that seemed to make me ponder...
Again, here I am, worrying so much about which university I am going. And then, I questioned myself. Why is this so important again? So, my mind began synthesizing an answer. "So, that I would have a higher chance of getting hired or get recognition from people based on my credentials". And of course, this would lead to better job, better pay, etc...etc... So,like, that is what lingers in my mind though. Rather shady link to it, but it's there. Logically explained. But then, and observation from myself and inputs of experienced people lead me to a hypothesis, saying that, "Look, many people who don't necessarily perform in studies with the likes of Oxford and Cambridge became very successful in the end". A rather conflicting idea. But I just came to reason out and say like "What are the odds of you becoming like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs", to the very least, "If you would become like one, you have to have the best form of education". Perhaps education background isn't a sole determinant to success, but then again, its the best chance and the safest bet to take.
So, long story short, you have to have the best form of education i.e top universities. So, I was figuring out, what if, I never made it to the universities that wish to enroll in. Should I feel disappointed or just be grateful for at least I got to UK. To me, in my experience, I would be disappointed if I haven't tried my best. So, the big question now is, have I did my best, or how do I know I did try my hardest? I never really could answer that until now. Just imagining those people who I happen to know, spending so many extra hours on things that could get him or her to Oxford or Cambridge.Chugging coffee day and night to minimize sleep, studying consumed most of the life he or she would otherwise have. Or even those people who is just so brilliant that make you feel rather envious (a feeling which a person should never have). People who have little effort but very productive. It makes you wonder what's their secret and what is it that is lacking under your paradigm or schedule. Somehow, I wanted to feel relieved that I studied for an exam or feel empowered by the fact I am at my utmost potential that any more step that I take would not get me any closer to success.
So, for example right, I decided for myself that I would not stay up until late at night to study. Period. I take sleep very seriously. I gave myself a reason to do so which is it might disturb my health, concentration, and etc... or is this an excuse in disguise for me not put an extra effort? I couldn't really tell for certain. So, I couldn't tell if I really had tried all I could despite how hard I wanted to succeed. So, the question will be left hanging un-answered. I settled myself with a statement, "everyone has their own limits". So, I might not have tried staying up for 24 hours, assuming I could, but if my yard-stick of trying says it is just up until 12a.m, I guess that's good enough for me.And everyone has their own yard-sticks.
Oh, wait. So, like, most of the questions in my mind are now answered. So, why aren't I happier? So, why am I still worrying? Perhaps I just set my own expectations to high. I might have been to harsh on myself. Blaming myself for problems that other people can't also face if they are in my shoes (just an assumption). Actually, since I have entered this new phase of life (college), I was too determined to get what I wanted. Perhaps as a result, even I myself cannot forgive myself if I fail. And that is so wrong in so many levels. Because the last person who is going to love me for the way I am, should be ME. If I don't acknowledge that, it is like I am denying my very own existence. Initially I thought, I don't want to be complacent. That was purely it. That was my biggest concern. So, consequently, I decided to be unforgiving to myself. Never leave a room for mistakes. Punishing myself hard for things I cannot control. Forcing myself to do things that I may not necessarily want or need to do. I want everything to be perfect. I want to be perfect. And I was wrong to think that. I wasn't even close to that. I don't even have to think about being perfect.Because I'll never be perfect. And same goes to everything around me.But don't confuse this with striving for perfection. Perfection can never be attained but we must always work towards it.
I'm not sure if I had comforted myself enough by writing this. So far, the slight thought of going to the universities I dreamed of puts myself back into dread. What can I say is that...I had said this many many times before...be grateful...for everything...:)
Lastly, I want to ask myself...if you want to be soo perfect...for whom exactly are doing this for? Is it worth it?
Salam. May Allah Bless and Forgive our Sins. Dear Allah, forgive me for the things I have done and said or haven't done and haven't said. Guide me with your hidayah. Ameen.
People become more and more competitive. To get a "good" life, you have to succeed in obtaining wealth,popularity and other heart's desire. Methods of achieving them are countless. Some are purely effort, and some are cunningly cheating their way to the top.
Despite all of this, I as a Muslim, must reflect back about life's intended purpose. And perhaps I am taking worldly matters a bit too much. Here are some things that seemed to make me ponder...
Again, here I am, worrying so much about which university I am going. And then, I questioned myself. Why is this so important again? So, my mind began synthesizing an answer. "So, that I would have a higher chance of getting hired or get recognition from people based on my credentials". And of course, this would lead to better job, better pay, etc...etc... So,like, that is what lingers in my mind though. Rather shady link to it, but it's there. Logically explained. But then, and observation from myself and inputs of experienced people lead me to a hypothesis, saying that, "Look, many people who don't necessarily perform in studies with the likes of Oxford and Cambridge became very successful in the end". A rather conflicting idea. But I just came to reason out and say like "What are the odds of you becoming like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs", to the very least, "If you would become like one, you have to have the best form of education". Perhaps education background isn't a sole determinant to success, but then again, its the best chance and the safest bet to take.
So, long story short, you have to have the best form of education i.e top universities. So, I was figuring out, what if, I never made it to the universities that wish to enroll in. Should I feel disappointed or just be grateful for at least I got to UK. To me, in my experience, I would be disappointed if I haven't tried my best. So, the big question now is, have I did my best, or how do I know I did try my hardest? I never really could answer that until now. Just imagining those people who I happen to know, spending so many extra hours on things that could get him or her to Oxford or Cambridge.Chugging coffee day and night to minimize sleep, studying consumed most of the life he or she would otherwise have. Or even those people who is just so brilliant that make you feel rather envious (a feeling which a person should never have). People who have little effort but very productive. It makes you wonder what's their secret and what is it that is lacking under your paradigm or schedule. Somehow, I wanted to feel relieved that I studied for an exam or feel empowered by the fact I am at my utmost potential that any more step that I take would not get me any closer to success.
So, for example right, I decided for myself that I would not stay up until late at night to study. Period. I take sleep very seriously. I gave myself a reason to do so which is it might disturb my health, concentration, and etc... or is this an excuse in disguise for me not put an extra effort? I couldn't really tell for certain. So, I couldn't tell if I really had tried all I could despite how hard I wanted to succeed. So, the question will be left hanging un-answered. I settled myself with a statement, "everyone has their own limits". So, I might not have tried staying up for 24 hours, assuming I could, but if my yard-stick of trying says it is just up until 12a.m, I guess that's good enough for me.And everyone has their own yard-sticks.
Oh, wait. So, like, most of the questions in my mind are now answered. So, why aren't I happier? So, why am I still worrying? Perhaps I just set my own expectations to high. I might have been to harsh on myself. Blaming myself for problems that other people can't also face if they are in my shoes (just an assumption). Actually, since I have entered this new phase of life (college), I was too determined to get what I wanted. Perhaps as a result, even I myself cannot forgive myself if I fail. And that is so wrong in so many levels. Because the last person who is going to love me for the way I am, should be ME. If I don't acknowledge that, it is like I am denying my very own existence. Initially I thought, I don't want to be complacent. That was purely it. That was my biggest concern. So, consequently, I decided to be unforgiving to myself. Never leave a room for mistakes. Punishing myself hard for things I cannot control. Forcing myself to do things that I may not necessarily want or need to do. I want everything to be perfect. I want to be perfect. And I was wrong to think that. I wasn't even close to that. I don't even have to think about being perfect.Because I'll never be perfect. And same goes to everything around me.But don't confuse this with striving for perfection. Perfection can never be attained but we must always work towards it.
I'm not sure if I had comforted myself enough by writing this. So far, the slight thought of going to the universities I dreamed of puts myself back into dread. What can I say is that...I had said this many many times before...be grateful...for everything...:)
Lastly, I want to ask myself...if you want to be soo perfect...for whom exactly are doing this for? Is it worth it?
Salam. May Allah Bless and Forgive our Sins. Dear Allah, forgive me for the things I have done and said or haven't done and haven't said. Guide me with your hidayah. Ameen.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
What Do You Want?
Nothing much particularly this week. I am waiting to sit for my last paper this Thursday. Finally, all that needs to be done has been done. After that, I can hope and pray, for a future that is best for me.
This week maybe I'm planning to do some activities. Maybe like go catch a movie, shopping and coach some schools to debate. And perhaps I would also be occupied on some days to teach Economics to my lecturer's son.
An idea that crossed my mind last week. What I wanted in life? As per my previous post on my dilemma about my academics just after a short sigh of relief from the AS Trials, just when I thought I can finally hold onto the moment and firmly hold my ground, I faltered like a deck of cards. So, I thought I did. Thus, I interrogated myself as to why this happened? Was I complacent? Or is it just beyond my limitations?
Despite having these questions bothering my mind, and my holidays (presumably), again, I settled myself with a statement, "No matter happens, I will do all within my means to serve good".
Because that's all I ever wanted. And I had forgotten about it.
This week maybe I'm planning to do some activities. Maybe like go catch a movie, shopping and coach some schools to debate. And perhaps I would also be occupied on some days to teach Economics to my lecturer's son.
An idea that crossed my mind last week. What I wanted in life? As per my previous post on my dilemma about my academics just after a short sigh of relief from the AS Trials, just when I thought I can finally hold onto the moment and firmly hold my ground, I faltered like a deck of cards. So, I thought I did. Thus, I interrogated myself as to why this happened? Was I complacent? Or is it just beyond my limitations?
Despite having these questions bothering my mind, and my holidays (presumably), again, I settled myself with a statement, "No matter happens, I will do all within my means to serve good".
Because that's all I ever wanted. And I had forgotten about it.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Saya dan Dunia
Beberapa minggu yang lepas (actually seminggu) , beberapa insiden yang amat significant telah berlaku dalam diari hidup saya...
1)HKSBP 2012
2)Physics Test (AS)
Alamak itu je...nevertheless...dua perkara ni menimbulkan pelbagai thoughts in my mind...and also if you noticed I'm using "rojak" because I think its better to express my mind to the fullest in this medium of communication...
HKSBP 2012 merupakan HK yang amat bermakna dalam hidup saya...walaupun saya bukan participant...tetapi rasa belonging yang sangat kuat di sini...sekali lagi saya menjejakkan kaki di bumi STAR...yang merupakan dunia saya seketika dahulu...I dont know how to say it...this place...tempat ini...have a special place in my heart...kalau dulu, most of the things that concerns me hanya within the borders of the school...we dont have time to think of anything else...we already have our hands full dengan things happening in the school...minda kita dipagari...with so many assumptions and assertions...that somehow keeps us safe and alive...from the harsh realities of the world...bila dah melangkah keluar dari sekolah..barulah terasa...tingginya langit, rendahnya bumi...nothing is what it seems...somehow, the world out there, a lot of things which doesnt seem right...appears to be the norm...
Okay, back to my experiences of this year's HK...saya amat berpuas hati dengan team...but of course, there is room for improvement...it started out well, they were full of optimism...and I just came and trying to settle down for a while in Ipoh...and there seems no need to rush because they were quite prepared...I just take my own time then...Truth be told, I was a bit tempted to know...whether my name is there yet in the hall..because I never had seen it for myself before...saya sebenarnya eager to see it...because hopefully, it will motivate me with regards to what I am going through now in college...and actually, I immediately reached the hall first that evening...unfortunately, the hall was under renovation..so not yet I guess...
Anyways, I woke up the next day..it is actually the first day of HK where people register and everything...so, for us...nothing to do...kinda free...Pagi2 lagi saya dah bangun and ordered the team for a training...of course, I am just there to guide and train...saya bukan captain...so to listen or not is for them to decide...I met a few teachers in the morning, such as Mdm Mastura Shaari, Mr King , and Ayahanda himself. As my initial intention, to go to the hall...and yes..is luckily there..my name on the list of students with their respective year..I dont know what to feel really...I'm just glad I guess...its kind of unexpected really...sejujurnya, saya rasa...these things are just occurrences...saya tak patut rasa terlalu bangga dengan insiden tersebut...realitinya...ada yang lebih baik daripada saya..
Nothing really for the day...and the next day started...the rounds and everything...it seems pretty much and easy route for them to reach the critical rounds...So, I was occupying myself with handing out goodie bags to the teachers...it wasn't an easy task though...I have to see the teachers one by one and return to the rumah tamu where I'm staying to refill the bags...and also, on the same day, I took my SPM certificate at the office...
So, to cut to the chase, it all continues to the last day I guess...banyak perubahan to the school I've seen so far...the teachers never fails to make me smile...it makes me feel so lucky to be in this school...furthermore, some of my batch members also came...the teachers...their words really affect me deeply...its is again quite motivating...linking myself to my former world...but again, a lot of things I picked up from my visit to STAR...both good and bad...something happened I guess between me and the debate crew..maybe there was a bit of misunderstanding...or lack of prioritization..but, still...there are people who seemed very supportive of me...and believes in me...and understands the things that had been going on in my head...and I'm glad that person took my words pretty well...and even to the last minute...
The day has a very weird aura to it...I was panicking at the same time...STAR vs SDAR...and my physics test is coming up..and it is also the time for me to head back to Shah Alam...I'm glad they did their best...but I don't know what happened...after the semi-final ended...straight away me and my batch mates head for the ending ceremony...saya rasa cukup berdebar....saya tak tau apa nak rasa....tetapi ada tanda2 yang saya telah terima tentang keputusan semi-final...sama seperti keadaan saya pada 2010...saya hanya mampu menunggu hingga the official truth comes out through the speakers...saya seakan-akan tak boleh percaya perjalanan kami berhenti sampai di sini sahaja...partcipating in HK rasa seperti satu perjalanan yang sangat jauh...perjalanan yang memakan masa berhari-hari...menuju kejayaan untuk meraih gelaran juara..tetapi terhenti dalam sekelip mata...tanda pertama adalah apabila saya diberitahu oleh junior saya tentang keputusan seorang hakim yang kami kenal, who gave STAR the lost..I couldn't believe it..because the judge gave me the win in 2010 in the semis...and also tanda kedua is when I met Mdm Ju at the stadium...she saw me...I saw her..and she slightly shook her head and looked down...I sense the inevitable...as I waited anxiously in the stadium...perhaps I knew the result already...but I continued to held my hopes high until the last minute...
The result came out...I couldn't say anything...but I was in a rush that time...the slight thought about my physics exam brings chills to my spine and make my stomach turn...so, I have to ignore a little bit the whole atmosphere and start packing...Luckily, Ckg Shahnun was around, and I asked him a favour to distribute the rest of the buah tangan to the teachers...one more task done...I bade farewell to everyone and head home...luckily I wasn't driving, because I asked my friend to replace me behind the wheels...
So, the whole thing ended, in a sad way...but then, an obstacle for me is directly in front of me...saya dah mula rasa tak sedap hati nak ambil test....rasa macam dah prepared...tapi we can never be sure...And so, esoknya...I would say...it is one of the worst test I took for Physics...now I'm really in trouble..nak salahkan pergi HK tak boleh..sebab I did actually study...and even if I did more questions...the question that I can't answer in the test seems to weird and unfathomable..so...until today rasa sangat insecure..saya tak tahu nak cakap macam mana...so, saya cuba kuatkan diri saya untuk redha dan hadapi apa jua consequences yang akan terjadi dalam beberapa bulan nanti..saya mungkin tak dapat university yang saya nak....saya juga bukan lagi yang terbaik...namun..insyaAllah...I have tried my best...to make my life serves its purpose...
Okay...cukup luahan untuk kali ini...until we meet again...salam...
~Knowing you is one of the best things that has ever happened to me...I'll remember it even if you don't...~
1)HKSBP 2012
2)Physics Test (AS)
Alamak itu je...nevertheless...dua perkara ni menimbulkan pelbagai thoughts in my mind...and also if you noticed I'm using "rojak" because I think its better to express my mind to the fullest in this medium of communication...
HKSBP 2012 merupakan HK yang amat bermakna dalam hidup saya...walaupun saya bukan participant...tetapi rasa belonging yang sangat kuat di sini...sekali lagi saya menjejakkan kaki di bumi STAR...yang merupakan dunia saya seketika dahulu...I dont know how to say it...this place...tempat ini...have a special place in my heart...kalau dulu, most of the things that concerns me hanya within the borders of the school...we dont have time to think of anything else...we already have our hands full dengan things happening in the school...minda kita dipagari...with so many assumptions and assertions...that somehow keeps us safe and alive...from the harsh realities of the world...bila dah melangkah keluar dari sekolah..barulah terasa...tingginya langit, rendahnya bumi...nothing is what it seems...somehow, the world out there, a lot of things which doesnt seem right...appears to be the norm...
Okay, back to my experiences of this year's HK...saya amat berpuas hati dengan team...but of course, there is room for improvement...it started out well, they were full of optimism...and I just came and trying to settle down for a while in Ipoh...and there seems no need to rush because they were quite prepared...I just take my own time then...Truth be told, I was a bit tempted to know...whether my name is there yet in the hall..because I never had seen it for myself before...saya sebenarnya eager to see it...because hopefully, it will motivate me with regards to what I am going through now in college...and actually, I immediately reached the hall first that evening...unfortunately, the hall was under renovation..so not yet I guess...
Anyways, I woke up the next day..it is actually the first day of HK where people register and everything...so, for us...nothing to do...kinda free...Pagi2 lagi saya dah bangun and ordered the team for a training...of course, I am just there to guide and train...saya bukan captain...so to listen or not is for them to decide...I met a few teachers in the morning, such as Mdm Mastura Shaari, Mr King , and Ayahanda himself. As my initial intention, to go to the hall...and yes..is luckily there..my name on the list of students with their respective year..I dont know what to feel really...I'm just glad I guess...its kind of unexpected really...sejujurnya, saya rasa...these things are just occurrences...saya tak patut rasa terlalu bangga dengan insiden tersebut...realitinya...ada yang lebih baik daripada saya..
Nothing really for the day...and the next day started...the rounds and everything...it seems pretty much and easy route for them to reach the critical rounds...So, I was occupying myself with handing out goodie bags to the teachers...it wasn't an easy task though...I have to see the teachers one by one and return to the rumah tamu where I'm staying to refill the bags...and also, on the same day, I took my SPM certificate at the office...
So, to cut to the chase, it all continues to the last day I guess...banyak perubahan to the school I've seen so far...the teachers never fails to make me smile...it makes me feel so lucky to be in this school...furthermore, some of my batch members also came...the teachers...their words really affect me deeply...its is again quite motivating...linking myself to my former world...but again, a lot of things I picked up from my visit to STAR...both good and bad...something happened I guess between me and the debate crew..maybe there was a bit of misunderstanding...or lack of prioritization..but, still...there are people who seemed very supportive of me...and believes in me...and understands the things that had been going on in my head...and I'm glad that person took my words pretty well...and even to the last minute...
The day has a very weird aura to it...I was panicking at the same time...STAR vs SDAR...and my physics test is coming up..and it is also the time for me to head back to Shah Alam...I'm glad they did their best...but I don't know what happened...after the semi-final ended...straight away me and my batch mates head for the ending ceremony...saya rasa cukup berdebar....saya tak tau apa nak rasa....tetapi ada tanda2 yang saya telah terima tentang keputusan semi-final...sama seperti keadaan saya pada 2010...saya hanya mampu menunggu hingga the official truth comes out through the speakers...saya seakan-akan tak boleh percaya perjalanan kami berhenti sampai di sini sahaja...partcipating in HK rasa seperti satu perjalanan yang sangat jauh...perjalanan yang memakan masa berhari-hari...menuju kejayaan untuk meraih gelaran juara..tetapi terhenti dalam sekelip mata...tanda pertama adalah apabila saya diberitahu oleh junior saya tentang keputusan seorang hakim yang kami kenal, who gave STAR the lost..I couldn't believe it..because the judge gave me the win in 2010 in the semis...and also tanda kedua is when I met Mdm Ju at the stadium...she saw me...I saw her..and she slightly shook her head and looked down...I sense the inevitable...as I waited anxiously in the stadium...perhaps I knew the result already...but I continued to held my hopes high until the last minute...
The result came out...I couldn't say anything...but I was in a rush that time...the slight thought about my physics exam brings chills to my spine and make my stomach turn...so, I have to ignore a little bit the whole atmosphere and start packing...Luckily, Ckg Shahnun was around, and I asked him a favour to distribute the rest of the buah tangan to the teachers...one more task done...I bade farewell to everyone and head home...luckily I wasn't driving, because I asked my friend to replace me behind the wheels...
So, the whole thing ended, in a sad way...but then, an obstacle for me is directly in front of me...saya dah mula rasa tak sedap hati nak ambil test....rasa macam dah prepared...tapi we can never be sure...And so, esoknya...I would say...it is one of the worst test I took for Physics...now I'm really in trouble..nak salahkan pergi HK tak boleh..sebab I did actually study...and even if I did more questions...the question that I can't answer in the test seems to weird and unfathomable..so...until today rasa sangat insecure..saya tak tahu nak cakap macam mana...so, saya cuba kuatkan diri saya untuk redha dan hadapi apa jua consequences yang akan terjadi dalam beberapa bulan nanti..saya mungkin tak dapat university yang saya nak....saya juga bukan lagi yang terbaik...namun..insyaAllah...I have tried my best...to make my life serves its purpose...
Okay...cukup luahan untuk kali ini...until we meet again...salam...
~Knowing you is one of the best things that has ever happened to me...I'll remember it even if you don't...~
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Please be Patient
I can't help but expressing a few worries of mine regarding my life right now...
1) AS Exam
2) AS Exam
3) AS Exam
4) Uni Application
5) Uni Application
6) Interfaith dialogue unfinished task
7) Accommodation change unfinished business
8) Debate career
I know its kinda hyperbolic I put repetitions of my tribulations...but I was intending to stress my point here. I'm worried...sick. I really don't know what to think and expect...can I weather any sort of repercussions should I fail or fall under these circumstances. I just hope everything would be alright.
Perhaps I would say it is destined...maybe I should be somewhere else...and I should do something else...I must apologize to the people I have disappointed...nevertheless, it is I who should reckon that my life has a greater purpose..
I must be impartial...I must not waver...no matter how much it hurts...it is to be told to forget...and to be forgotten...how far behind I have been...I know for a fact...I had tried my best...if I have to fight my way out myself...its my responsibility after all...
1) AS Exam
2) AS Exam
3) AS Exam
4) Uni Application
5) Uni Application
6) Interfaith dialogue unfinished task
7) Accommodation change unfinished business
8) Debate career
I know its kinda hyperbolic I put repetitions of my tribulations...but I was intending to stress my point here. I'm worried...sick. I really don't know what to think and expect...can I weather any sort of repercussions should I fail or fall under these circumstances. I just hope everything would be alright.
Perhaps I would say it is destined...maybe I should be somewhere else...and I should do something else...I must apologize to the people I have disappointed...nevertheless, it is I who should reckon that my life has a greater purpose..
I must be impartial...I must not waver...no matter how much it hurts...it is to be told to forget...and to be forgotten...how far behind I have been...I know for a fact...I had tried my best...if I have to fight my way out myself...its my responsibility after all...
Sunday, May 6, 2012
It once happenned
Alhamdulillah...everything was going rather fine...and my heart can rest a little bit now...but definitely not physically...and I predict that after June or so...my life will be more roomy for relaxing and other relevant activities...maybe susah susah dahulu senang senang kemudian applies here...
Dear Allah, I am so grateful...lately I can hold my ground more firmly, and I came to be more and more appreciative of the things around me...I can accept what I am dealing with now..
Perhaps I had forgotten the things I used to do...which is to always smile...and sometimes even smile more when things get very sad...and perhaps I forgot how important Allah and religion is in life...I used to make a stance back in school...devoting to Allah is not an investment, it is an assured development...
Today, I have the mood of telling a story about a friend of mine. He is, to me, quite weird and unfathomable...perhaps quite determined to a certain extent...he is quite the average type of person in terms of personality...
One fateful day in STAR, it was on Hari Raya Korban...my first raya korban at school...because it was SPM time and all Form 5's need to be stay in school...it was such a beautiful morning...I have the picture to show you that...
And so I was...feeling jovial...cheerful...everyone of us in our baju melayu...FYI I miss wearing baju melayu...I hardly wear them nowadays...we were about to flood the pavements with our colourful attires...and there we walked to Taman Cempaka...such a place indeed...the nearest necessities and entertainment can be found here...as we walked to the mosque...because again I thought it was such a beautiful day...I decided to take a picture of one of the myriad of limestone hills in Ipoh where behind it was the sun rising...Guess who decided to interframe...haha...our KU...Azri...
Yeah...as I walked pass through TC...I might have thought about going to the cybercafe after the Raya Korban prayers...haha...DOTA of course...and then we reached the mosque...and for this time, I decided to sit inside the air-conditioned section of the mosque (which I normally dont do during Friday prayers...because its too cold for me...grrrrr...). And my friend whom I mentioned earlier sat beside me...and basically finished the prayers together...
So, the story started...we walked downstairs to get our slippers...and...unfortunately...my friend lost his slipper...and that means no means to get back to school (barefoot? NO WAY!!)...and so I said... I'll buy him one quickly at Taman Cempaka and return to the mosque...to do that...it may take a bit of a long time...so...I decided to "hasten" my steps if I would call it...as I reached TC, bought the slipper...and the next thing I did was take a cab back to the mosque...haha...no person in the right mind would actually do that because it is barely worth it....not even 1 km away...and when I came to the mosque...I can't see him anywhere..and this taxi person might be scratching his head trying to figure out what was I trying to do...of course I told him the situation...so I dismissed the taxi...and waited for a while I guess...hopefully he was just wandering in the mosque...haha...and so I wait...and wait...and waited...and them I eventually came to the conclusion he is nowhere in the vicinity....and so I thought...this person's got to be kidding me...aigoo~~ did I tell him to stay put?...common sense might already dictate he should...I might get a little bit fumed by then...haha...ya laaa...why not?..I was missing my chance to chartered a PC at Fantasy (a cybercafe that is)....and I might not get a PC for like a whole single day...and in particular...a chance to go outing like this does NOT come often for a boarding school-er like me...more depressing for a DOTA addict like me...
So I trudged back to TC...carrying this newspaper-wrapped slipper in a purple plastic bag... wondering why this happened...wondering what reasons can he give me later...of course...I would expect an apology from him for leaving...I was heading back to Fantasy...hoping for a miracle that there would be someone kind enough to save me a a spot...or just a short queue before there's a vacant PC...I can't remember though how I got it...but indeed I got a PC...yeah...=D and the day was saved...
Its time to head back to dorm...its almost Asar already...(count how many hours I spent in CC)...and I reached the dorm..there he is...I wouldn't wanna say anything...because I thought he should be the one who should say something first...just gauging if he is conscious enough to know about what's wrong today... and...somehow...nothing...not a word....
And that is how it goes throughout the day...I just kept quiet the whole day thinking about it...my other friends told me actually...a teacher tumpangkan him back to school...so no wonder he can apparate to school back....and they were actually trying to catch up to me and said it was unnecessary for me to buy the slippers anymore...but I guess I was too fast for them...haha...I guess I'm still waiting for the word "sorry" though...or "thanks" maybe...even today....nevermind I guess...thats what friends are for....
Just a random story...
Dear Allah, I am so grateful...lately I can hold my ground more firmly, and I came to be more and more appreciative of the things around me...I can accept what I am dealing with now..
Perhaps I had forgotten the things I used to do...which is to always smile...and sometimes even smile more when things get very sad...and perhaps I forgot how important Allah and religion is in life...I used to make a stance back in school...devoting to Allah is not an investment, it is an assured development...
Today, I have the mood of telling a story about a friend of mine. He is, to me, quite weird and unfathomable...perhaps quite determined to a certain extent...he is quite the average type of person in terms of personality...
One fateful day in STAR, it was on Hari Raya Korban...my first raya korban at school...because it was SPM time and all Form 5's need to be stay in school...it was such a beautiful morning...I have the picture to show you that...
Yeah...as I walked pass through TC...I might have thought about going to the cybercafe after the Raya Korban prayers...haha...DOTA of course...and then we reached the mosque...and for this time, I decided to sit inside the air-conditioned section of the mosque (which I normally dont do during Friday prayers...because its too cold for me...grrrrr...). And my friend whom I mentioned earlier sat beside me...and basically finished the prayers together...
So, the story started...we walked downstairs to get our slippers...and...unfortunately...my friend lost his slipper...and that means no means to get back to school (barefoot? NO WAY!!)...and so I said... I'll buy him one quickly at Taman Cempaka and return to the mosque...to do that...it may take a bit of a long time...so...I decided to "hasten" my steps if I would call it...as I reached TC, bought the slipper...and the next thing I did was take a cab back to the mosque...haha...no person in the right mind would actually do that because it is barely worth it....not even 1 km away...and when I came to the mosque...I can't see him anywhere..and this taxi person might be scratching his head trying to figure out what was I trying to do...of course I told him the situation...so I dismissed the taxi...and waited for a while I guess...hopefully he was just wandering in the mosque...haha...and so I wait...and wait...and waited...and them I eventually came to the conclusion he is nowhere in the vicinity....and so I thought...this person's got to be kidding me...aigoo~~ did I tell him to stay put?...common sense might already dictate he should...I might get a little bit fumed by then...haha...ya laaa...why not?..I was missing my chance to chartered a PC at Fantasy (a cybercafe that is)....and I might not get a PC for like a whole single day...and in particular...a chance to go outing like this does NOT come often for a boarding school-er like me...more depressing for a DOTA addict like me...
So I trudged back to TC...carrying this newspaper-wrapped slipper in a purple plastic bag... wondering why this happened...wondering what reasons can he give me later...of course...I would expect an apology from him for leaving...I was heading back to Fantasy...hoping for a miracle that there would be someone kind enough to save me a a spot...or just a short queue before there's a vacant PC...I can't remember though how I got it...but indeed I got a PC...yeah...=D and the day was saved...
Its time to head back to dorm...its almost Asar already...(count how many hours I spent in CC)...and I reached the dorm..there he is...I wouldn't wanna say anything...because I thought he should be the one who should say something first...just gauging if he is conscious enough to know about what's wrong today... and...somehow...nothing...not a word....
And that is how it goes throughout the day...I just kept quiet the whole day thinking about it...my other friends told me actually...a teacher tumpangkan him back to school...so no wonder he can apparate to school back....and they were actually trying to catch up to me and said it was unnecessary for me to buy the slippers anymore...but I guess I was too fast for them...haha...I guess I'm still waiting for the word "sorry" though...or "thanks" maybe...even today....nevermind I guess...thats what friends are for....
Just a random story...
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Its just weird...
Aside from me being weird...which I readily acknowledge...this post is just about me complaining about things I see with my eyes which doesn't seem right...
First, lets cap about my life first shall we...okay...so far...boleh laa~~...everything goes as it is...I've done things which I should've done...I think...so...in short...I have finished my AS TRIALS...alhamdulillah...so I'm on holiday...waiting for the results...preparing for Further Maths test which is directly after the holidays....This holiday gives me plenty of time for self reflection and structural reform on my brain...setting my principles straight again...since I think it had been shattered all these while...alhamdulillah despite all these challenges I can survive...when most things are not in my advantage...or even the total opposite...alhamdulillah again...I fend off...slashed my way through...just to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel..I'm grateful I made it...
And also...I did what I could to get closer to Allah...alhamdulillah...I can say...I see things in a brighter perspective...I live with a clear objective...and regardless what happens...my goal is still the same...and I wonder when I get to UK...if I can survive there...insyaAllah...I plant the seeds of determination and perseverance to serve my Lord and for His religion...
Okay...so what is this weird thing that irritates me...maybe because I was too involved in debate...people's rhetorics and what not seem to spark my desire to question them..like for example...people are complaining about the Malaysian education system...but rarely if not at all did I see any sort of proposal or suggestion...I really don't like when all there is to do is nag nag and nag...all complaining and does nothing to solve the problem....
And also, a response to a particular blog which says "regretting about getting straight As"...well...its okay since it's his opinion...but really?...to me...it's just like saying I regret studying...studying is a life process...people should appreciate those memorizations and hours of efforts...to know things which are indeed meaningful and related to us...instead of filling your heads with socializing and entertainment....
Really...if people think being exam-oriented is bad...you should tell that to Cambridge...or any kind of country or education boards in the world that had endorsed it....lets say indeed there are justifications to say that a "wholesome learning" is better than an exam-oriented atmosphere...should they at least tell us what kind of "wholesome activity" they have in mind and how would they grade students and differentiate them effectively since they say everyone has their own talents...isn't that why we have subject combinations and elective subjects...so you can choose which one suits you best...and lets say we are bothered by the fact that the common perception that straight A students are geniuses....why is then the education system to be blamed...I would be impressed if someone got 21 As...and of course I would say he or she is brilliant..but of course...excellence is subjective...any rational person would know that...but if that is the yardstick people are using now...so be it...sail our own path and always trust yourself you are always brilliant no matter how the world perceives you...
I just noticed the fact that when people voice out their opinions...they are sometimes just being emotional and frustrated about facts and realities of life and somehow they tried to change they way things are just to suit them....to me its understandable...life is difficult..and of course...we all make mistakes...we all tend to favour something for personal reasons...may us all be granted by Allah His Hidayah....
I'm tired...there are a lot more weird things out there...which to me doesn't make any sense at all...and its actually human behaviours...again...until then...goodnight...there's a bunch of grammar mistakes there...im too lazy to check...
First, lets cap about my life first shall we...okay...so far...boleh laa~~...everything goes as it is...I've done things which I should've done...I think...so...in short...I have finished my AS TRIALS...alhamdulillah...so I'm on holiday...waiting for the results...preparing for Further Maths test which is directly after the holidays....This holiday gives me plenty of time for self reflection and structural reform on my brain...setting my principles straight again...since I think it had been shattered all these while...alhamdulillah despite all these challenges I can survive...when most things are not in my advantage...or even the total opposite...alhamdulillah again...I fend off...slashed my way through...just to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel..I'm grateful I made it...
And also...I did what I could to get closer to Allah...alhamdulillah...I can say...I see things in a brighter perspective...I live with a clear objective...and regardless what happens...my goal is still the same...and I wonder when I get to UK...if I can survive there...insyaAllah...I plant the seeds of determination and perseverance to serve my Lord and for His religion...
Okay...so what is this weird thing that irritates me...maybe because I was too involved in debate...people's rhetorics and what not seem to spark my desire to question them..like for example...people are complaining about the Malaysian education system...but rarely if not at all did I see any sort of proposal or suggestion...I really don't like when all there is to do is nag nag and nag...all complaining and does nothing to solve the problem....
And also, a response to a particular blog which says "regretting about getting straight As"...well...its okay since it's his opinion...but really?...to me...it's just like saying I regret studying...studying is a life process...people should appreciate those memorizations and hours of efforts...to know things which are indeed meaningful and related to us...instead of filling your heads with socializing and entertainment....
Really...if people think being exam-oriented is bad...you should tell that to Cambridge...or any kind of country or education boards in the world that had endorsed it....lets say indeed there are justifications to say that a "wholesome learning" is better than an exam-oriented atmosphere...should they at least tell us what kind of "wholesome activity" they have in mind and how would they grade students and differentiate them effectively since they say everyone has their own talents...isn't that why we have subject combinations and elective subjects...so you can choose which one suits you best...and lets say we are bothered by the fact that the common perception that straight A students are geniuses....why is then the education system to be blamed...I would be impressed if someone got 21 As...and of course I would say he or she is brilliant..but of course...excellence is subjective...any rational person would know that...but if that is the yardstick people are using now...so be it...sail our own path and always trust yourself you are always brilliant no matter how the world perceives you...
I just noticed the fact that when people voice out their opinions...they are sometimes just being emotional and frustrated about facts and realities of life and somehow they tried to change they way things are just to suit them....to me its understandable...life is difficult..and of course...we all make mistakes...we all tend to favour something for personal reasons...may us all be granted by Allah His Hidayah....
I'm tired...there are a lot more weird things out there...which to me doesn't make any sense at all...and its actually human behaviours...again...until then...goodnight...there's a bunch of grammar mistakes there...im too lazy to check...
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