Straight-forward

There is a huge and revolutionary meaning to this word for me in my own context...I learned to be more "straight forward"...is yet to be defined...

I like to make myself more clear at times...I know I can be a little bit ambiguous and dubious...so I just like to say things more straight forward...so my message would be clear enough for people to understand...

Alhamdulillah...now...I would ask help if I needed it...I would admit that I am wrong even when I am probably not...so...I just have to do what I have to do and get it done...even it hurts me the most...

Specifically speaking...I am having trouble with my studies...and I tend to have...you can call it ego I guess...I just want to live on my own without interacting with other people...I guess now I realized it didn't work...I may not be the nicest or the friendliest person amongst some people...maybe some things caused me to act in such a way...again...Alhamdulillah...at least now...I can discard away my self-pride if you would call it...and I am always the person who most people won't turn to for help and look up to...and just be a person with nothing much to offer in this world...at least in this way...I felt better in a way...

Social life and co-curricular...hurm...I had engaged with people more...but at the same time...I wasn't hoping for the best response...but that is the best part of it I guess...co-curricular had been massive...I was actively involved perhaps...but the great thing about the whole thing is that I was willing to make some significant sacrifices...like not getting enough sleep...less studying time...friends...and etc...

I just would like to say...I might have moved on to a certain extent...yet of course...I miss my days in school a lot...the beautiful thing about all these hardwork is that...I don't have time to think about these things...forgo the things I treasured...really hurts...the pain I went through...I may need it for the present...but in the end...all these would pay off...and the things I sacrifice would return...insyaAllah...I am positive about the whole thing...and I am just going for it...

We'll meet again someday my school friends...lets settle everything first...even if we forget each other...I know we would want the best for each other...

At least I know where I wanted to be...

At least I know there is a special place...where it was once dim and grim...seemed so bright and glimmering now...when I am no longer there...

And finally now, its time to find a place to settle down...my new place is as dark and lonely...problems never seem to quite cease...which reminds me of what I had experienced earlier...

A part of me still remain in the shadows of the past...I have to say...will there be a bright future for me when I can less worry again?...

maybe life is going to repeat itself...there just might be something that won't change...perhaps I don't have to force myself to...I'll just see everything positively...when everything will have a place in my heart...and it is one life altogether without having to see everything so differently...

There is a place I wanted to go...maybe I am there already...and maybe there are other places waiting for me...and of course...there is a place where I really like to return to...

I'm sorry...its hard for me to enjoy the present...but I knew I should...