Alhamdulillah...looks like it has been 1 semester already...i.e... 2 weeks more before holiday...muahaha...but before that....I need to really ace an exam...this exam is particularly crucial to determine which university in UK will I go in two years time...so...yeah...scared actually...and I'm not so confident at the moment...especially for further maths....there's always questions popping out as though I've never seen or learn anything pertaining to it...hopefully if I do enough exercises...things would average out...
Truth be told...I'm not aiming too high...I just would like to please everyone...the sponsor...my parents...and at last...I could sit down for a while and think what I want to really do in life after I am certain where exactly I'm heading now after a nod from SC about my soon-to-be enrolled university...
This is because I feel like I am at a disadvantage...taking subjects which I knew...wasn't at all my best bet...I tried to look at the bright side...at least I'm learning subjects which are my weaknesses...so that's pretty much patched up...but I maybe sacrificing a little bit of opportunity to reach my full potential...
So..that's for academics...it seems like its SPM again...for the fivers for this year I mean...so...its been a year already....how time flies...I really feel like it was just yesterday I took SPM...mysteries of life I guess...so...this also mark another transition moment in my life...as I entered a phase...in which its no longer about adapting anymore...its about...living with what you have already established...
I'm forecasting a calmer season next year...a little bit of surprises...but definitely less stressful...but at the turning point...I will be extremely nervous about my forecast results...I really hope for a good one...I really don't want to disappoint anybody....
Friends here are same like anywhere...even STAR...at random distribution kind of way...it means generally...people are well..people...they are different...so...basically its the same everywhere...but still I treasure until today...the days...the times I had with STARians...I accept the fact we can never return the way we were...or even be on the same page...I realize I can never treat them like before...because we're different now...but I still believe deep down...we are always what we once were...I still view us as the same old person...never changing...
So...wish me luck and pray for my success...salam... =D
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Praying Everyhting Would Be Fine
Again...I might be complaining about my life....dear Allah...forgive all my sins...I would prefer using the term contemplating or making reflections to improve myself....
Lately...still...I still feel so difficult to continue with life...why do I now like to make so much comparison...like for instance...now and before....me and others...which again brought me to the question...why am I thinking about all these things now...not back then...did I used to complain now compared to back then?...I don't really know...I can't remember...but I know Allah knows...
SO...lets try to assume I didn't...is this a good sign?...does it mean I had a better life before?....what is the difference between then and now?...was I doing so well back then?....
Now, lets analyze the reasoning I synthesized...maybe...in reality...and the REAL WORLD to be exact...we face the real thing in which everything is above us...people tend to challenge our ways and force us to change....meeting people who are always one step ahead of us....making us feel no role to play in this world...
So basically...now I realize how small and pathetic I am...but I must take this positively...in the sense that I should be grateful...to be enjoying life...more than the unfortunate ones that even myself would have conceded not to be able to bear the same burden or I would call test by Allah...
Today also...many things which almost happenned didn't happen...I mean the bad ones...like...I was driving to KDU...I didn't know where exactly I was going...but in the end I reached there safely...and there were a lot of instances I almost met with an accident...at the same time, there was also a time I was walking down the staircase and almost fell...but I didn't...Alhamdulillah for today...
But still...I feel so inferior to be honest...with certain people...I realized that this might not be the best way to feel...but is this a sign that I'm left behind in this very competitive world?...in studies...debate...chess...anything at all?...
In another aspect...I think I'm more reserved now than before...I choose to isolate myself...initially that was what I want...now that I got what I want...then I feel bad at times...typical flip flops...
I'm still wondering...and continue to...waiting for something...
I feel like seeing you...and I tried to think of a reason to say to you...I just can't spell it out...and I wonder what can we talk about when we meet...I don't know...sorry...
Lately...still...I still feel so difficult to continue with life...why do I now like to make so much comparison...like for instance...now and before....me and others...which again brought me to the question...why am I thinking about all these things now...not back then...did I used to complain now compared to back then?...I don't really know...I can't remember...but I know Allah knows...
SO...lets try to assume I didn't...is this a good sign?...does it mean I had a better life before?....what is the difference between then and now?...was I doing so well back then?....
Now, lets analyze the reasoning I synthesized...maybe...in reality...and the REAL WORLD to be exact...we face the real thing in which everything is above us...people tend to challenge our ways and force us to change....meeting people who are always one step ahead of us....making us feel no role to play in this world...
So basically...now I realize how small and pathetic I am...but I must take this positively...in the sense that I should be grateful...to be enjoying life...more than the unfortunate ones that even myself would have conceded not to be able to bear the same burden or I would call test by Allah...
Today also...many things which almost happenned didn't happen...I mean the bad ones...like...I was driving to KDU...I didn't know where exactly I was going...but in the end I reached there safely...and there were a lot of instances I almost met with an accident...at the same time, there was also a time I was walking down the staircase and almost fell...but I didn't...Alhamdulillah for today...
But still...I feel so inferior to be honest...with certain people...I realized that this might not be the best way to feel...but is this a sign that I'm left behind in this very competitive world?...in studies...debate...chess...anything at all?...
In another aspect...I think I'm more reserved now than before...I choose to isolate myself...initially that was what I want...now that I got what I want...then I feel bad at times...typical flip flops...
I'm still wondering...and continue to...waiting for something...
I feel like seeing you...and I tried to think of a reason to say to you...I just can't spell it out...and I wonder what can we talk about when we meet...I don't know...sorry...
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