Friday, August 24, 2012

A shift of stance

Salam...I just realized something..that something inside me which I think I should have kept within myself, is eroded with time...

I realized that I refused to take opportunities to learn...instead...I focused on making sure...I succeed in everything I do...this is which I think is a little bit impeding on my growth and expansion for other words...I'm too scared to fail...or at least I do not want to relish the idea of failing...failing might not always be something my circumstance...perhaps I need to open up...because in accumulation of all failures...will lead to a permanent success...

I also think that I have discouraged myself from giving advises...I'm afraid of the fact that I do not follow my own advice i.e a hypocrite...but I should not allow this to persist...I must continue to give advises...and this will create a pressure for me to follow my own advice...

A2 Trials is coming really is my last chance at weathering my I said earlier...everything is more or less determined already...but there is something I must is partly ego but I try to think of it as a platform to self improve...nothing is simple anymore...even the things that were similar in the past..

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Thank You

I'm grateful to have known you guys. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Learnt your lesson already?

AS result has already been released. I am grateful for it. But I am worried if I wont be able to secure an offer to go to universities that require much much higher qualifications. I'm speechless...

Anyways, my campaign would be more or less over though now. In the end, I flopped I think. It was rather a mission failed. So, here I am now. I am not sure what to do next.

Hence, I have a new objective. Just a personal one. I want to get the best results for my A2 trials. Just for my own sake. It wouldn't affect much at this point.

Sometimes, I tried to think why it has come to this? I really think that there are other factors which I could have changed. For example, my dilemma between laziness and tiredness. It is quite a good wake up call though for me.

Is there any implications out of all this. I mean, what are the obvious things that I can see after the results are announced. Well, I can see some are heaving a sigh of relief. And I have a long road to go. Truth is, I am quite disappointed. Some people think I am not capable to help them in academics when I offered it. I just have to concede I am a lower rank echelon comparatively.

So, everything is more or less determined now. I just have to use whatever I have now to build a better future. Salam.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


Intrigued is the feeling I could describe myself right now. Lately, there is much development in my life. A lot of interesting things had happened also. Some are really pleasant, some are perplexing, some are just complicated. SO, I am intrigued at how everything is as it is. Of course, I have Allah to thank for this. Alhamdulillah. The month of Ramadhan has been so great. It has always been. Although I might complain a little bit on my part ; I have not done as much tarawih as I had, so far since I left school. So, I was wondering to myself why this occurred and I can tell you the reasons right away. However, I would be ashamed of myself. Only Allah knows my situation right now. Nevertheless, the spirit of Ramadhan actually comes within ourselves. If your surrounding is not as Ramadhan, then you'll have to make it Ramadhan. What I'm trying to say is that, the Ramadhan begins with us. We make Ramadhan as how it is. SO, that is another thing which I'll try to improve on.

FYI, I miss Ramadhan in STAR. Almost everyday without fail, I would go for tarawih. Partly because it is part of the daily schedule. But, the activity itself gives great satisfaction. I would admit I would have wasted most of my Ramadhan if I have not done all those things. And the same question pricked me again and again, if you could do it then, why not now? Well, I have been trying to answer that too. The real world is not as ideal anymore. That's my comment. Anyways, I'll have to adapt to achieve that ideal state.

Moving on, I was also elated to know my...student I guess...I am currently tutoring economics for my lecturer's son. He managed to pass his econs test. So, I'm really happy. Because I was worried that my presence do not give any added value to his education. I was really on the verge of giving up...not on him...but on myself...I'm afraid that I may have failed myself...I thought if he can get a better tutor, it would have helped him a lot more. Then, this incident gave me a little bit of assurance,confidence,a sign and an indicator on how I should just continue on with the tutoring.

The 3rd semester seemed to be coming to an end soon. Quite soon actually. To be frank, sooner than I hoped it would. That is actually quite surprising ; those words actually came from me. So, you want the 3rd semester to be longer is it?? What is wrong here!? You want more classes? The reasons? Hurm...I can't tell really. But surely one of the reason is because A2 Trials is too near!! I have only 1 week to work with. Plus, this is going to be another important determinant of my forecast result.

Talking about academics, everyone is buzzing about the UCAS application (university application). The contagion about forecast results might have been caused by me. A small part of it at least. I think it is a like a taboo or something to be asking our lecturers about this. Plus, there is a sense of caution in the air. Furthermore, everyone is starting to fire up their personal statements. All of these things are based on one main objective. To get the university of our dreams. And one important thing to bear in mind is that spaces are limited.

Hence, my AS result is coming real soon. I am freaking myself out. On my own accord, I dont think I performed at my best during AS. SO, that is another worrying factor. But the result will enlighten a lot of things really. Like how realistic is my uni choices. But then again, there is the forecast. SO, there is so much things to look out for. The idea that I need to bury some of greatest dreams had stifled me for the past few weeks. Like I decided to not apply Oxbridge. It is quite disappointing a bit. SO, this AS result will also tell me roughly about what are my chances to get to OTHER universities besides Oxbridge. I was actually hoping for a London uni. It is a good thing that my friend reminded me how Allah's plans are for our betterment. Indeed I have tried, now I will work with what I have and just do my best in the future.

Thank you to all the people that had been with me through thick and thin. Surely, not everything is what it seems. But in reality, all you are just great and really nice people. Salam.

P/S : Thank you Cikgu Shahnun for your heart warming post. It really made me happy. Thank you so much.