My exam is starting soon...I cant say that enough...
Sometimes I wonder about the other things in life that matter as well besides than that...however, I still would think I made the choice to be responsible...
I may not enjoy too much of what I'm doing now...but I know somehow its something I must do in the name of "responsibility"...
What sort of "responsibility"...for starters, my responsibility as a Muslim, a son, a scholar, and a member of society...I just think that I want to do things for other people, and if this is one of the means I can do so, because, perhaps maybe studying is one of the things I have done better than other things in my whole life...
What I mean is that..im doing only what I can...how I feel the best way to contribute...
Im not sure if I am proud of the person I become today or in the future...because maybe it could have been better...if studying is not the only thing in my mind...could it be obsession...ambition?
I thought to myself, if there is more to life than studying, they would only be for myself and not for others (how's that for common sense)...I made a lot of sacrifices...time with family and friends...since a long time ago and still making them...I always wondered what if I had spent more time with them...But what had always kept me going is that, what I'm doing right now would also be for them later on...much later...and more indirect...sometimes, you never know how the most indirect way or act of giving will be much of the greatest gift of all, and most typically, not realised by many...
So, I was approached by this idea...you've done enough...take a break and have some "life"...you've forsaken too much of your life...
Which sometimes I feel hard to accept...because I have forsaken too much is the reason why I cant let go halfway...
Sometimes, I have to succumb to the fact I'm only human...no matter how much I want to deny emotions and sentiments...I can't...so I hid it...
Nevertheless, insyaAllah...if my heart is in the right place...everything will be resolved...the things I hoped to happen and fix will insyaAllah come...
