Praying Everyhting Would Be Fine

Again...I might be complaining about my life....dear Allah...forgive all my sins...I would prefer using the term contemplating or making reflections to improve myself....

Lately...still...I still feel so difficult to continue with life...why do I now like to make so much comparison...like for instance...now and before....me and others...which again brought me to the question...why am I thinking about all these things now...not back then...did I used to complain now compared to back then?...I don't really know...I can't remember...but I know Allah knows...

SO...lets try to assume I didn't...is this a good sign?...does it mean I had a better life before?....what is the difference between then and now?...was I doing so well back then?....

Now, lets analyze the reasoning I synthesized...maybe...in reality...and the REAL WORLD to be exact...we face the real thing in which everything is above us...people tend to challenge our ways and force us to change....meeting people who are always one step ahead of us....making us feel no role to play in this world...

So basically...now I realize how small and pathetic I am...but I must take this positively...in the sense that I should be grateful...to be enjoying life...more than the unfortunate ones that even myself would have conceded not to be able to bear the same burden or I would call test by Allah...

Today also...many things which almost happenned didn't happen...I mean the bad ones...like...I was driving to KDU...I didn't know where exactly I was going...but in the end I reached there safely...and there were a lot of instances I almost met with an accident...at the same time, there was also a time I was walking down the staircase and almost fell...but I didn't...Alhamdulillah for today...

But still...I feel so inferior to be honest...with certain people...I realized that this might not be the best way to feel...but is this a sign that I'm left behind in this very competitive world?...in studies...debate...chess...anything at all?...

In another aspect...I think I'm more reserved now than before...I choose to isolate myself...initially that was what I want...now that I got what I want...then I feel bad at times...typical flip flops...


I'm still wondering...and continue to...waiting for something...

I feel like seeing you...and I tried to think of a reason to say to you...I just can't spell it out...and I wonder what can we talk about when we meet...I don't know...sorry...