Some things are better left unsaid

An introvert like me always have these moments where I need to tell myself certain things to keep my mind straight...or mainly because to comfort myself...

I always have moments that I feel like saying everything I feel inside...but then again...I choose not to...Words cannot be retracted...You cant go back on your words...it stays on people's minds...So, I prefer to be safe than sorry...Hence, a lot of things...I kept to myself...before I decide there is a net benefit if I say them...

Today was very unexpected...come to think of it...yesterday was also quite out of the ordinary...I was sick yesterday...but it is still at a preliminary stage of fever...In this case, it would still be okay though if I go to class...Nevertheless, the fever is going to get worse anyway, so I better get some real good rest to quash the fever early on...Of course, that's my mind churning out excuse to not going to Monday's class...my excuses were still acceptable I thought...because that's how I really feel...

Early Monday morning yesterday, I felt a strong desire not to go to class...I just dont feel like going...which honestly....doesnt occur that often...When my father sent me to my apartment, I didnt tell my father that I wasnt planning to go to college that day....But then, as the clock is fast approaching 8.00 am...I felt a dilemma....not on whether to go to class or not...but to tell my father...at first thought...I didnt think in any way my father will know I'm going to college or not...But, the way I'm feeling yesterday was perhaps very "genuine"...I dont have the energy to think too much...I just want to do what my heart tells me and surrender to all consequences...I really dont want to go to college...at the same time, I want my father to know what I'm feeling and my decision...so, I told my father...And, I felt really guilty because all that trouble my father went through....went out of his way and wade through traffic jam...ended up with me not going to my sole objective...Was that something really better if unsaid...at first I feel bad....but now maybe it was good that I have said such thing...

Today's surprise is different...after not going to class yesterday...I feel bad...but thats not all though...I have a sudden urge that I need to go class today...I also had a dream that the AS/A2 result was today...and I didnt realize it until someone told me later it is actually today...my results arent coming out...but my friends' are...

So, today...I met friends from my previous class,PE 11...it was really nice to be able to meet them and catching up...but perhaps this will be the only day that we'll ever see each other again...and again I feel bad about myself...if I havent said enough things...the things that should have been said as a proper farewell...sometimes I wonder if everyone else is thinking the same thing....What could have prevented me from saying the things I wish to say?...I'm not sure...

I see a lot of sad faces too today...which on my account, I really didnt have much courage to give consolations and commiserations...but in my heart, I knew I'm really sympathized with them...I want to sympathize them...but I feel like my words cant reach out to them...because the words are too commonly expressed by everyone...it becomes meaningless and sometimes irritating to the receiver/recipient....I dont want that to happen...in the end, I could only spare some certain words but pray deeply inside...

Reality is quite real...so real...that I feel I could not get out of it...there are really a lot of regrets and reliefs along the pathway of life...and I could never be too sure of my principles and decisions...but it can be really tiring thinking about all these things...being CALCULATIVE about life....I just want to feel relieved and good about the decisions I made without any regrets....but that is not going to be achieved easily...it perhaps can never be achieved...

In reality, the reality that we have now is just a preparation for afterlife...to let go of the world and embrace the afterlife is the real challenge that I have relish without regrets...

Continuation of previous post

Coincidentally...finding this relevant...

Article by The Star (English Malaysian Daily)

Link:
PM: Malaysians blessed to have best food in the world - Nation | The Star Online

Cooking; Home example of innovation and value added production

Now it's 2013, the reality seems to seep in that I would be flying off to UK this year, contingent on the fact that I do well in fulfilling my conditional offers. Hence, my family including me I guess are going all fronts on making me cook. Yes, cooking classes are now in commencement... There's very few things I can cook for now still, but as for those of you who still havent knew...I'm practically living off biscuits and bread during my time here in Taylors...I also combine breakfast with lunch (brunch)...and sometimes I dont take dinner too (dont ask why I did that)...Which means, I dont have delicate,stringent dietary requirements...just as long as it is edible, I'll survive...So, Im not too worried though if Im not being able to "reconstruct" masak lemak or asam pedas...hopefully, I'll be fine..

So, talking about cooking...I just realized another angle of looking at it...the culinary discipline is complex,mind-boggling, and opens an endless stream of possibilities as much as science and ICT. Cooking can also be considered a form of science...with a fusion of art and creativity. Cooking is a very fine example which all of us can observe the innovation and wealth creation or value adding process in action.

Cooking takes a form of science when it takes into account all different sorts of variables which is available for manipulation at will...timing and measurements are also key to make the intended outcome. Some prior knowledge about how to manage heat and temperature should also come in handy.And there would be a long list of factors and variables to reach the final outcome or result..and the best part is the individual can experiment all the way and spend his entire lifetime...creating and innovating something and discover new things which people desire (when they discovered it much later)....its like research and development (R&D)...

In comparison with the developments of science and technology.... as more things are discovered like nano-technology, higgs boson...and whatever else you may find...it somehow has an effect on people's lives...as these discoveries are used in a way to make our life better in terms of facilitating work or improving health...One should not look down on culinary discipline as inferior compared to science and technology...Our lives pretty much revolve around it too....

If indeed human beings never learned to cook anything else but porridge...I wonder how do we lead our lives then...it is very abstract to say that somehow because of culinary instinct of mankind, it has brought our civilization to a higher level...But to me, culinary also gives humans its characteristics and specialty parallel to culture and also entertainment values...

So, my question is, if the culinary world advances itself....is it going to add more value to this world? I believe if we are talking in the scale of nations...culinary discipline can contribute for tourism and service sector for that particular country....okay...most deviated example would be KFC,Pizza Hut and McDonalds....though the pundits and food critiques may tell me fast foods are not included in the culinary section....but the point is that, the food industry still offers a lot of room for new entrants in the market if people are willing to innovate and create...and I think all of us as consumers will enjoy more choices of food...

In conclusion, the whole post may sound whimsical at first...but one should realize that food is the main thrust for a civilization to thrive...the size of the population also dependent on the existent of food....and because of culinary advancements....we can store and keep foodstuff for a longer period of time...keeping our mind and tastebuds sane from mundane menus...and provides a bountiful of economic opportunities all the way from primary sector until tertiary sector...

But I still cant cook yet...

Contemplating 2012

All in all, 2012 proved itself to be another turbulent year,brimming with challenge and endeavour. Each obstacle and hurdle were unique and pose its own lessons and experience unlike never before. And somehow, all of the ordeal made me believe that the worst had already passed behind me. As such, also, I have the confidence to say that Im liking the person I am now despite whatever changes that occurred. The strength to believe in the path I chose for myself and to trust my conscience is paramount if I ever going to be satisfied with myself. The person to believe in steering this body and soul should be mainly myself. If someone were to regard me as unsuccessful, I should be the first to defer the definition of success and take it to my own interpretation.

Talking about 2013, it seems that all the results and outcomes from the entire preparation will soon unravel itself. And indeed,it will be a year like no other,as the 2nd transition point of my life will again take place. However as of now, anxiety seems to dominate other feelings.

At the same time, I just want to write a little bit of review about a drama I watched during the holidays, Shining Inheritance. The theme of the drama is quite interesting which is family vs moral conscience. Majority of the plot and storyline revolves around the issue of choosing between family and doing the right thing, which is no easy task. Not many people can easily decide to choose doing the right thing over family interest. Hence, viewers will have a really hard time putting themselves in the shoes of the characters in the drama.

I wish I could summarize the drama...but the story is really complicated and dense...so you have to watch it yourself to really get the idea of it...

Basically, the main crux of the drama is about the sincerity of the relationship between family members, especially with step-families...And also trust between mankind through good deeds...Unscrupulous and greedy for money (Inheritance) ...Corporate management which prioritizes employees welfare...and of course...love and compassion.

 
Interestingly enough for me, I find it hard to ultimately hate the antagonists (stepmother and stepsister). Usually in dramas I've seen, the bad person is so bad until you cant see any good in the person (which is not how reality works). The evil stepmother and confused stepsister both have solid reasons which is why their evil acts appeared "acceptable". I like the fact that the antagonist has good justifications to their every action, so you cant really help but to sometimes compromise with the bad guys.

One thing though, this is a 28 episode drama, hence the progress of the story is painstakingly slow, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. And you would probably be yelling at the screen a lot due to infinitesimal near misses in the drama which lead to more dilly dally in the next episode. You can get quite frustrated too as the viewer to notice that everyone in the drama knows everyone but no one actually knows that everyone knows everyone! (Get it!!) =.=

I learned a lot from this drama. Definitely "blood is thicker than water" proverb does not stand in a world where moral values are upholded. I find it definitely worth watching and worth my time spent a week to finish it..