For this part..perhaps I would talk less about my abstract problems but more of my personal observations of this "Old World" if you would call it (because New World usually connotes the US)...nevertheless, new to me...I love the fact that a lot of things I do NOT understand going on around here...But and the same time...there are also a lot of commonalities which I share with the people and environment I engaged here.
Politeness
I love the fact that the British community prides itself on politeness...and there are references made of "British politeness". On how you want to perceive this politeness (whether sincere or pretentious) as how people perceive "Japanese politeness", I cannot comment much, because I really dont care, and I do think its best if I dont...because it is really not our job to tell people they are doing something out of pure intention or just mere gesture or hand waving.
Anyways, I liked the fact they like to make their greetings at least in two sentences...for example, "Hi-ya. You alright?"...most commonly heard by me. For me I do appreciate this art of greeting because a single short greeting seemed too abrupt and awkward (please do tell me you share the same concern as I do). Like the problem with an utterly short mutter only manages to attract the attention of the person but not necessarily make the person feel he or she was being greeted or welcomed to interact.
Since I take the tube always everyday to commute to school (yes, its a school, I get it), people helping a person with a buggy or stroller going up or down the stairs, giving up seats for the elderly or the prioritized, or offering help to anyone who appeared troubled or ill, is simply a sight that is all too familiar.
Indirect way of communicating thoughts
This part of British culture for me is quite interesting and really suits my personality too. So far I have only heard about how they understate things and dont really use effusive language. Basically, this means they dont express themselves too much.
But again, this only an idea which I got from other people's inputs, not from my own personal experience. Because I can never really know if what they really mean what they say or what they actually really wish to mean...unless I ask them directly which I cant really do...at least for now.
Its the least for me beautiful,subtle and nuanced in a way when they put their way of commmuincating in such order...but sometimes it does put you in trouble too. I guess there are pros and cons.
Way of life and principles
There are many good examples of British behaviour...which us Malaysians would already have actually, but not emphasized or extended to other areas of life...In all condour, I do feel Malaysians do share a lot of common behaviour and values (being conservative and reserved at times), which I think is a good point to ponder. There is not an ocean gap when it comes to improving ourselves as Malaysians to reach the level of the Brits.
Indeed I have a lot more to learn from them...unfortunately progress have been very slow. But Im sure this land would offer me many virtual gems to be embedded in my mind.
To be continued..
Friday, December 6, 2013
Journey to A New World (Part 1)
It has been almost two months since I wrote anything on this blog...I would like to just express how grateful I am to Allah that I am now safely here in UK. It was very difficult to picture what this land would be like since I never have been here before. Its just something you heard or see through television or media but not really for yourself before your own eyes.
So, in effect I have officially become a full fledged LSE student in the UK.
It is actually a big step for me. I can never really say it "aloud" because I dont think it is appropriate to flash in front of people and say what I am feeling exactly right now. I'm happy definitely but there is a limit to which you can express that amount of happiness so you dont go overboard. Because I dont like what I see in status quo (that quintessential sentence in a debate)...
It is during these times which fortunate students get to study abroad at universities of their dreams in the countries they aspire, tend to act in a way which may cause some people to feel uneasy. Even if that particular behaviour does not cause any harm to anyone (luckily), it is still unbecoming of a person to behave in that manner. I am talking about the act of "showing off". In most cases in reality, no one really wants to be a "show off" and admitting of doing so, because most of the time we are unaware of it and it seems like a spontaneous reaction of wanting to share good news to other people in hope they would share and bask in that happiness and glory.
Specifically, especially in Facebook or Twitter, people would share those moments publicly. For now, do you think is quite natural and normal for people to do so? But nevertheless, the problem arises when you do it incessantly or in a very bold note to show you are happier than everyone else who is not in your place to the extent of making people feel envious instead of feeling motivated or inspired. The way we express our happiness does make a difference, at least for other people.
This is my personal opinion on the matter. I would discourage myself from posting things like "I am here!!! Woohoo!!!" every single minute and let pictures of yourself flood people's news feeds. My simple question before you start posting anything is "What is your intention of doing so?". If you can justify yourself then go ahead. But as for me, it is just too counter-intuitive for me to succumb to the idea you can only be happy when someone else knows you are. I mean like its just too much for me...
So, then what is the difference for me by writing in this blog? Well, eventhough my blog is public but only people who would like to make an effort to know me will read this blog to begin with. Hence, it is an information upon request and not by actively promoting them when they dont even want it in the first place.
Okay, a little side-tracked here. By the way, my journey here has not been without turbulence. Indeed the influence of surroundings are so strong now. I cant let myself be hindered if I think my surroundings dont work for me. I cant let myself feel out of place if some people dont undertsand me. I cant let myself down when other people are always on their top performance. No matter how my surroundings are not in my favour, alone shall I stand with Allah as my aim and goal.
Basically you can tell or perhaps you couldnt, that I am still having the old hard stuffs coming my way. So, even in this new phase of life, the challenges are more or less similar in nature but may differ relatively in terms of the magnitude and difficulty.
The weirdest part of this new phase of life is the fact it is the combination of people who are with me right now who came from different time planes of my pasts conveniently lumped together, coinciding in one place in the present.
One thing I noticed when I came here is the question about the purpose of life which became much more prevalent. I have been asking this question incessantly wanting to satiate this curiosity. The answer is quite straightforward. But somehow, my mentality or frame of mind is still lagged behind in comprehending the situation and resisting reality. Hopefully the situation improves as all the amenities are laid out for me waiting to be utilised. The mosque is so near and I hope to attend the prayers there more frequently...
To be continued...
So, in effect I have officially become a full fledged LSE student in the UK.
It is actually a big step for me. I can never really say it "aloud" because I dont think it is appropriate to flash in front of people and say what I am feeling exactly right now. I'm happy definitely but there is a limit to which you can express that amount of happiness so you dont go overboard. Because I dont like what I see in status quo (that quintessential sentence in a debate)...
It is during these times which fortunate students get to study abroad at universities of their dreams in the countries they aspire, tend to act in a way which may cause some people to feel uneasy. Even if that particular behaviour does not cause any harm to anyone (luckily), it is still unbecoming of a person to behave in that manner. I am talking about the act of "showing off". In most cases in reality, no one really wants to be a "show off" and admitting of doing so, because most of the time we are unaware of it and it seems like a spontaneous reaction of wanting to share good news to other people in hope they would share and bask in that happiness and glory.
Specifically, especially in Facebook or Twitter, people would share those moments publicly. For now, do you think is quite natural and normal for people to do so? But nevertheless, the problem arises when you do it incessantly or in a very bold note to show you are happier than everyone else who is not in your place to the extent of making people feel envious instead of feeling motivated or inspired. The way we express our happiness does make a difference, at least for other people.
This is my personal opinion on the matter. I would discourage myself from posting things like "I am here!!! Woohoo!!!" every single minute and let pictures of yourself flood people's news feeds. My simple question before you start posting anything is "What is your intention of doing so?". If you can justify yourself then go ahead. But as for me, it is just too counter-intuitive for me to succumb to the idea you can only be happy when someone else knows you are. I mean like its just too much for me...
So, then what is the difference for me by writing in this blog? Well, eventhough my blog is public but only people who would like to make an effort to know me will read this blog to begin with. Hence, it is an information upon request and not by actively promoting them when they dont even want it in the first place.
Okay, a little side-tracked here. By the way, my journey here has not been without turbulence. Indeed the influence of surroundings are so strong now. I cant let myself be hindered if I think my surroundings dont work for me. I cant let myself feel out of place if some people dont undertsand me. I cant let myself down when other people are always on their top performance. No matter how my surroundings are not in my favour, alone shall I stand with Allah as my aim and goal.
Basically you can tell or perhaps you couldnt, that I am still having the old hard stuffs coming my way. So, even in this new phase of life, the challenges are more or less similar in nature but may differ relatively in terms of the magnitude and difficulty.
The weirdest part of this new phase of life is the fact it is the combination of people who are with me right now who came from different time planes of my pasts conveniently lumped together, coinciding in one place in the present.
One thing I noticed when I came here is the question about the purpose of life which became much more prevalent. I have been asking this question incessantly wanting to satiate this curiosity. The answer is quite straightforward. But somehow, my mentality or frame of mind is still lagged behind in comprehending the situation and resisting reality. Hopefully the situation improves as all the amenities are laid out for me waiting to be utilised. The mosque is so near and I hope to attend the prayers there more frequently...
To be continued...
Monday, August 26, 2013
Trying my best
Sometimes I wonder....how much damage or hurt could I possibly cause...by something that is beyond my control...subconciously...
But the bitter truth for me...my subconcious actions...sometimes, reveals my true thought about a person...but still, you dont mean to hurt anyone in the process....you just do...
Should I just think...its not worth thinking about it...it is inevitable....you could not have done it any better....someone has to bear the consequences....
While I share the same opinion...I myself would get angry if I am in your position...there is nothing much I could do to rectify the situation is there?
Should I let time heal your wounds and change your mind? Is time such a meaningful factor in your evaluation of a person?
Sometimes I get that a lot...when people take me very seriously....due to the person I appear to be everyday....its a surprise when my "real" thoughts got out and you are the few who get to "see" it...
No matter how real it seems to you...its not really how I envisioned it to be...you just have to give me a chance...because I'm trying my best...
Please overlook my flaws...I wish the best for you that you can be sure of...Im sure you do too...so could we just let this one slide and the future to come...
But the bitter truth for me...my subconcious actions...sometimes, reveals my true thought about a person...but still, you dont mean to hurt anyone in the process....you just do...
Should I just think...its not worth thinking about it...it is inevitable....you could not have done it any better....someone has to bear the consequences....
While I share the same opinion...I myself would get angry if I am in your position...there is nothing much I could do to rectify the situation is there?
Should I let time heal your wounds and change your mind? Is time such a meaningful factor in your evaluation of a person?
Sometimes I get that a lot...when people take me very seriously....due to the person I appear to be everyday....its a surprise when my "real" thoughts got out and you are the few who get to "see" it...
No matter how real it seems to you...its not really how I envisioned it to be...you just have to give me a chance...because I'm trying my best...
Please overlook my flaws...I wish the best for you that you can be sure of...Im sure you do too...so could we just let this one slide and the future to come...
Saturday, August 17, 2013
A Ramadhan To Remember
Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...
Praise to God...I can't say that enough...
Definitely this year's holy months of Ramadhan and Syawal are memorable and special...Its the kind of relief you get when a miracle happens...After feeling so helpless and all you could do is wait patiently and pray...I cannot describe such a feeling when something so important in your life is hanging by a thread...The thought of living with that unthinkable situation for the rest of my life makes my knees buckle, my hands tremble and tears shed...Im afraid of not being able to get up again after this...But finally, it was all over in a picturesque way...
I owe everything to Him..He is my saviour...He is my sustainer...He is my shelter..He is Allah my God.
But despite everything that have happenned, I must be aware of the significance of this event, and the new responsibility that comes with it...
With this opportunity bequeathed upon me, I must work harder than before so that the final outcome is reached and not go to waste...But, all the experience and hardship I faced earlier in college perhaps will give me a prepared mind about all the possibilities...And anticipate any harm and danger that comes my way...
With this endowment, it will not be the time for me to be jumping for joy and slack off...it will be the continuation of the challenging 2 years I spent in college or A Levels...I am aware of that fact and have considered it through...I am willing or rather, I have to undertake that sort of liability...
I know somehow, some people may not consider me fit for this task...I sometimes feel that too...But it is not the time to think who should or deserve to be in this position...Whoever is chosen must try his or her best to rise to the occasion...It is no longer about competing for the opportunity...but what can be done with the opportunity...Hence, I am not going to waver and feel that I dont deserve to be here no matter how true it is in reality....But, I am going to make sure that I have tried everything within my means, capability and capacity to live up to the standards...And Im going to make sure that I can only be judged and rated based on my own merit...
It is not a situation that can be looked upon simply and taken lightly...It has so many underlying principles and clauses which must be understood beforehand as to prevent any bad consequences.
Bismillah...Lets start the new chapter of life...
Salam..
Thursday, June 13, 2013
On the edge
Finally exam is over....but Im short of celebrations....in fact, Im quite worried, because I did quite badly...I am currently grieving about it...
On the 13th of August, my life will change a lot...and I have to cope with that change...I am really hoping things will turn out well and I get to go to the university of my choice...
Also, I'm grateful that I have done a lot of extra activities besides studying lately...Alhamdulillah, the school I'm training Sains Banting has made a leap of faith, surpassing everyone's expectations including mine...I'm glad they made it to the 2nd round but it stopped just there...I hope they will be able to continue this great performance...
The student that I'm tutoring, is resiting his paper...and I just managed to have 2 sessions with him which is barely enough...hopefully he'll do well for that too and go to university of his choosing...
I'm sure most of my friends who just finished A levels are having a blast...but I'm not sure if I can tune in to that mood just yet...but there's a tonne loads of activities ahead I'm sure...I'm going to see the wind orchestra finale in PICC and meet up with old friends...and so much more ahead..
But, I'm afraid that my initial programme which I had in mind like finishing learning elementary and basic Mandarin...or finishing my study on Korean economy and politics...or even brushing up on my further maths since I'm still lagging behind in that...wouldnt be possible so soon with my current mood...
I just hope and pray...the future will be a good one as planned...amin...
salam~~
On the 13th of August, my life will change a lot...and I have to cope with that change...I am really hoping things will turn out well and I get to go to the university of my choice...
Also, I'm grateful that I have done a lot of extra activities besides studying lately...Alhamdulillah, the school I'm training Sains Banting has made a leap of faith, surpassing everyone's expectations including mine...I'm glad they made it to the 2nd round but it stopped just there...I hope they will be able to continue this great performance...
The student that I'm tutoring, is resiting his paper...and I just managed to have 2 sessions with him which is barely enough...hopefully he'll do well for that too and go to university of his choosing...
I'm sure most of my friends who just finished A levels are having a blast...but I'm not sure if I can tune in to that mood just yet...but there's a tonne loads of activities ahead I'm sure...I'm going to see the wind orchestra finale in PICC and meet up with old friends...and so much more ahead..
But, I'm afraid that my initial programme which I had in mind like finishing learning elementary and basic Mandarin...or finishing my study on Korean economy and politics...or even brushing up on my further maths since I'm still lagging behind in that...wouldnt be possible so soon with my current mood...
I just hope and pray...the future will be a good one as planned...amin...
salam~~
Friday, May 3, 2013
Sore eyes
My exam is starting soon...I cant say that enough...
Sometimes I wonder about the other things in life that matter as well besides than that...however, I still would think I made the choice to be responsible...
I may not enjoy too much of what I'm doing now...but I know somehow its something I must do in the name of "responsibility"...
What sort of "responsibility"...for starters, my responsibility as a Muslim, a son, a scholar, and a member of society...I just think that I want to do things for other people, and if this is one of the means I can do so, because, perhaps maybe studying is one of the things I have done better than other things in my whole life...
What I mean is that..im doing only what I can...how I feel the best way to contribute...
Im not sure if I am proud of the person I become today or in the future...because maybe it could have been better...if studying is not the only thing in my mind...could it be obsession...ambition?
I thought to myself, if there is more to life than studying, they would only be for myself and not for others (how's that for common sense)...I made a lot of sacrifices...time with family and friends...since a long time ago and still making them...I always wondered what if I had spent more time with them...But what had always kept me going is that, what I'm doing right now would also be for them later on...much later...and more indirect...sometimes, you never know how the most indirect way or act of giving will be much of the greatest gift of all, and most typically, not realised by many...
So, I was approached by this idea...you've done enough...take a break and have some "life"...you've forsaken too much of your life...
Which sometimes I feel hard to accept...because I have forsaken too much is the reason why I cant let go halfway...
Sometimes, I have to succumb to the fact I'm only human...no matter how much I want to deny emotions and sentiments...I can't...so I hid it...
Nevertheless, insyaAllah...if my heart is in the right place...everything will be resolved...the things I hoped to happen and fix will insyaAllah come...
Sometimes I wonder about the other things in life that matter as well besides than that...however, I still would think I made the choice to be responsible...
I may not enjoy too much of what I'm doing now...but I know somehow its something I must do in the name of "responsibility"...
What sort of "responsibility"...for starters, my responsibility as a Muslim, a son, a scholar, and a member of society...I just think that I want to do things for other people, and if this is one of the means I can do so, because, perhaps maybe studying is one of the things I have done better than other things in my whole life...
What I mean is that..im doing only what I can...how I feel the best way to contribute...
Im not sure if I am proud of the person I become today or in the future...because maybe it could have been better...if studying is not the only thing in my mind...could it be obsession...ambition?
I thought to myself, if there is more to life than studying, they would only be for myself and not for others (how's that for common sense)...I made a lot of sacrifices...time with family and friends...since a long time ago and still making them...I always wondered what if I had spent more time with them...But what had always kept me going is that, what I'm doing right now would also be for them later on...much later...and more indirect...sometimes, you never know how the most indirect way or act of giving will be much of the greatest gift of all, and most typically, not realised by many...
So, I was approached by this idea...you've done enough...take a break and have some "life"...you've forsaken too much of your life...
Which sometimes I feel hard to accept...because I have forsaken too much is the reason why I cant let go halfway...
Sometimes, I have to succumb to the fact I'm only human...no matter how much I want to deny emotions and sentiments...I can't...so I hid it...
Nevertheless, insyaAllah...if my heart is in the right place...everything will be resolved...the things I hoped to happen and fix will insyaAllah come...
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The Meaning
Sometimes in the midst of all of these...I do feel tired mentally and physically or even spiritually...sometimes I feel so drained...focusing on only1 thing too much...but somehow I thought that without this 1 thing..it will affect my survival...
Thus, it puts me again to reflect the meaning of life...I do observe and compare other people's lives with mine...how they lead theirs and how I lead mine...somehow I thought my principles stays the same...I believe that how I lead my life now is fine...of course there are things that I dont have...but I guess that is the sacrifice and trade off that must and should be done...and I cant have it any other way....
When I look people do things just for the sake of it...for fun they say...when perhaps they are forgoing something very important...but I myself cant help but having my faith shaken a bit...should I do something differently...
But, when I rationalize it...the things I do know should made me feel happy...perhaps a bit indirectly...but that is how it is...
Perhaps if I am a bit more patient...I could see the light...I have to keep going...for me...
Thus, it puts me again to reflect the meaning of life...I do observe and compare other people's lives with mine...how they lead theirs and how I lead mine...somehow I thought my principles stays the same...I believe that how I lead my life now is fine...of course there are things that I dont have...but I guess that is the sacrifice and trade off that must and should be done...and I cant have it any other way....
When I look people do things just for the sake of it...for fun they say...when perhaps they are forgoing something very important...but I myself cant help but having my faith shaken a bit...should I do something differently...
But, when I rationalize it...the things I do know should made me feel happy...perhaps a bit indirectly...but that is how it is...
Perhaps if I am a bit more patient...I could see the light...I have to keep going...for me...
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Looking Upon A Treacherous Road, Looking Back A Bloody Trail
The title is somewhat long...but hold very fine intrinsic meanings...
I feel my time in Taylor's is too soon to end somehow...I am not prepared yet to face the more dangerous and challenging obstacles ahead...even now...I have trotted and my knees are faltering...I am desolated...
And yet another door has opened to of more of what I have been going through....The reality is it is far from complaining...but realizing a much greater commitment and load ahead....which cannot be avoided...or had in any other way...
Living on the edge is how it has been...Holding on was what it was...
Still thinking...not everything is as simple....not to be looked at simply....a trade-off is inevitable...making something out of nothing...desperation leads instead of motivation...
Is this the right path for me?...
I feel my time in Taylor's is too soon to end somehow...I am not prepared yet to face the more dangerous and challenging obstacles ahead...even now...I have trotted and my knees are faltering...I am desolated...
And yet another door has opened to of more of what I have been going through....The reality is it is far from complaining...but realizing a much greater commitment and load ahead....which cannot be avoided...or had in any other way...
Living on the edge is how it has been...Holding on was what it was...
Still thinking...not everything is as simple....not to be looked at simply....a trade-off is inevitable...making something out of nothing...desperation leads instead of motivation...
Is this the right path for me?...
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Some Politics Issues
Malaysia is bracing general election soon...and it might be a turning point for Malaysia's democratic process due to expanding Opposition's presence...This means Malaysia is moving towards a more mature democracy if indeed a change of government is to take place...
Change is uncertain...but, with democratic process and competition between Government and Opposition...check and balance are in place and communities interest is put first...Nevertheless, there is also a flaw to this...a weak government will impede communities interest and slow down decision makings...as happening the US currently...
This is just some points to note about the outcome of any election...its uncertain and arguable to say a change in government will lead a country to a better future...but indeed a better democracy in theory...
But, the most heinous of any behaviours under the banner of freedom of speech...is zero-tolerance and polarization of thoughts and ideologies and conspiracy theories...The trend in Malaysia now is that too many are partisan in nature...no one wants to listen to what the other side have to say since they made up their mind who they want to vote for or vote out in the next election...
Another atrocious crime by so called analysts...selective reporting...if indeed one is concerned with nation's interest...they do not spread messages or theories just because it is in the interest of their favoured party...They tell both sides of the story and see the other possibilities of explaining the truth...
Just to pick a few issues...currently...the Government is giving out handouts to the citizens, BR1M...which to many or some...seemed like a Government's way of bribing or buying votes or an insincere way of helping its citizens....
First of all...there is a possibility that this might be the case...But very few...think that it might not be so....Like...so what if it is for the election?...Everything and I mean everything the Government or the Opposition does is to convince the people to vote for them....If the Government build schools or hospitals in the rural areas...is it called bribing also? But, of course, handing out cash in the open is not a good impression of trying to develop a society compared to building schools or hospitals...
The government handouts seemed like a very short term measure in the effort of helping the people...Some blamed the government for not handling the problem of inflation and rising prices of good and services properly...Hence, many are left in hardship...thus, Opposition demands a more "blanket" approach such as subsidies and free education...
The handouts are selective in nature...means only those deemed fit to receive such benefits will get it...not everyone...Most common mistake for people is to think government is throwing out money for everyone where in fact not everyone will get it...Only those people who didnt get the handouts think so...But, it might be problematic and ostentatious if the government sets a very low band to receive the handouts in which even some well off middle class are eligible...
Next is the most perturbing of all the issues...is Sabah's sovereignty....it is claimed by the Sultan of Sulu that Sabah belonged to him...Im not sure whether its all or a portion of it...but basically you get the idea...Our sovereignty is challenged...
Some people tend to view this as another opportunity for political mileage...some say its Opposition's doing and some say its the Government....but I feel that even thats the case...the world is viewing and watching this issue with seriously as it involves a lot of unresolved principles...
I just explain what I know...you can think that Sabah or a part of it really did belong to Sultan of Sulu...but as history takes place...a lot of parties have occupied Sabah...nevertheless, according to all the agreements and leases and such...Sabah still is the Sultan of Sulu's....
But of course, in reality...in our world today...a lot of things have changed...a lot of conflicts and violations have take place which make us who we are today...So, now, in a world with democracy...let the people decide their government and fate...
Eventhough as a Malaysian, I feel saddened by this, eventhough according to laws of the world...lawfully Sabah is probably owned by either Philippines or Sultan of Sulu...we can still challenge this...
The people have decided to join Malaysia back in those days...and back in the old days...borders and nation states were not yet in place...the people who admits a person as their ruler will determine the borders and sovereignty of the ruler i.e influence...but its obvious that the Sultan of Sulu did not have any significant influence now and since the absence of Sultan of Sulu from Sabah...it is a free state which itself decided to call itself a member of federation of Malaysia...
I might be wrong...so, I am always open to change and tolerate opposite views...And I hope more people in Malaysia will change the way they view politics...
Change is uncertain...but, with democratic process and competition between Government and Opposition...check and balance are in place and communities interest is put first...Nevertheless, there is also a flaw to this...a weak government will impede communities interest and slow down decision makings...as happening the US currently...
This is just some points to note about the outcome of any election...its uncertain and arguable to say a change in government will lead a country to a better future...but indeed a better democracy in theory...
But, the most heinous of any behaviours under the banner of freedom of speech...is zero-tolerance and polarization of thoughts and ideologies and conspiracy theories...The trend in Malaysia now is that too many are partisan in nature...no one wants to listen to what the other side have to say since they made up their mind who they want to vote for or vote out in the next election...
Another atrocious crime by so called analysts...selective reporting...if indeed one is concerned with nation's interest...they do not spread messages or theories just because it is in the interest of their favoured party...They tell both sides of the story and see the other possibilities of explaining the truth...
Just to pick a few issues...currently...the Government is giving out handouts to the citizens, BR1M...which to many or some...seemed like a Government's way of bribing or buying votes or an insincere way of helping its citizens....
First of all...there is a possibility that this might be the case...But very few...think that it might not be so....Like...so what if it is for the election?...Everything and I mean everything the Government or the Opposition does is to convince the people to vote for them....If the Government build schools or hospitals in the rural areas...is it called bribing also? But, of course, handing out cash in the open is not a good impression of trying to develop a society compared to building schools or hospitals...
The government handouts seemed like a very short term measure in the effort of helping the people...Some blamed the government for not handling the problem of inflation and rising prices of good and services properly...Hence, many are left in hardship...thus, Opposition demands a more "blanket" approach such as subsidies and free education...
The handouts are selective in nature...means only those deemed fit to receive such benefits will get it...not everyone...Most common mistake for people is to think government is throwing out money for everyone where in fact not everyone will get it...Only those people who didnt get the handouts think so...But, it might be problematic and ostentatious if the government sets a very low band to receive the handouts in which even some well off middle class are eligible...
Next is the most perturbing of all the issues...is Sabah's sovereignty....it is claimed by the Sultan of Sulu that Sabah belonged to him...Im not sure whether its all or a portion of it...but basically you get the idea...Our sovereignty is challenged...
Some people tend to view this as another opportunity for political mileage...some say its Opposition's doing and some say its the Government....but I feel that even thats the case...the world is viewing and watching this issue with seriously as it involves a lot of unresolved principles...
I just explain what I know...you can think that Sabah or a part of it really did belong to Sultan of Sulu...but as history takes place...a lot of parties have occupied Sabah...nevertheless, according to all the agreements and leases and such...Sabah still is the Sultan of Sulu's....
But of course, in reality...in our world today...a lot of things have changed...a lot of conflicts and violations have take place which make us who we are today...So, now, in a world with democracy...let the people decide their government and fate...
Eventhough as a Malaysian, I feel saddened by this, eventhough according to laws of the world...lawfully Sabah is probably owned by either Philippines or Sultan of Sulu...we can still challenge this...
The people have decided to join Malaysia back in those days...and back in the old days...borders and nation states were not yet in place...the people who admits a person as their ruler will determine the borders and sovereignty of the ruler i.e influence...but its obvious that the Sultan of Sulu did not have any significant influence now and since the absence of Sultan of Sulu from Sabah...it is a free state which itself decided to call itself a member of federation of Malaysia...
I might be wrong...so, I am always open to change and tolerate opposite views...And I hope more people in Malaysia will change the way they view politics...
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
A Glimpse of the Future, A Flicker of Hope
Salam and good day... lately I have been very anxious about the reply from universities that I applied for...now I can breath a little easier...
As for now, I received conditional offers from University of Warwick, University of Exeter, and York....I am really grateful...I was at one time at my breaking point where I feel so hopeless...I can just pray to Allah everything goes well...
Of course, once there was a time where I thought LSE, Cambridge and Oxford were expected of me...but really...I realised that perhaps there is a lot more people out there with better capabilities...honestly it took time to sink in...but now I'm okay...
I just feel relieved I could just be able to go to UK at least...or else...all the expenses and college fees for the past 2 years will unfortunately befall on my parents...which is one of the worst things that could happen...So, the scenario slightly become faded when I got offer from York with 2A1B condition...still I dont want to feel comfortable just yet...
And suddenly at the same time...I begin to feel "recollected"...it looks like I've been trying to get my mojo back for the past 2 years...and the feeling seems to come back for a bit at least...but perhaps I am better than I was before...learning more about life...making more mistakes...
I started to believe that now life is how I want it to be....going through life at my own pace...doing the things I want to do and can do...pursuing my passion...I really needed that...
Eventhough I think A Levels is one of the hardest things I ever done with below expected achievements....I didnt think I ever once regretted this decision...maybe its high time I learn how it feels like when things dont go my way...So, in the next phase of life which is university life in overseas...I would like an environment where I could have less focus on conventional studying but more on equipping myself with skills and abilities related with real life..
Looking forward...salam...
As for now, I received conditional offers from University of Warwick, University of Exeter, and York....I am really grateful...I was at one time at my breaking point where I feel so hopeless...I can just pray to Allah everything goes well...
Of course, once there was a time where I thought LSE, Cambridge and Oxford were expected of me...but really...I realised that perhaps there is a lot more people out there with better capabilities...honestly it took time to sink in...but now I'm okay...
I just feel relieved I could just be able to go to UK at least...or else...all the expenses and college fees for the past 2 years will unfortunately befall on my parents...which is one of the worst things that could happen...So, the scenario slightly become faded when I got offer from York with 2A1B condition...still I dont want to feel comfortable just yet...
And suddenly at the same time...I begin to feel "recollected"...it looks like I've been trying to get my mojo back for the past 2 years...and the feeling seems to come back for a bit at least...but perhaps I am better than I was before...learning more about life...making more mistakes...
I started to believe that now life is how I want it to be....going through life at my own pace...doing the things I want to do and can do...pursuing my passion...I really needed that...
Eventhough I think A Levels is one of the hardest things I ever done with below expected achievements....I didnt think I ever once regretted this decision...maybe its high time I learn how it feels like when things dont go my way...So, in the next phase of life which is university life in overseas...I would like an environment where I could have less focus on conventional studying but more on equipping myself with skills and abilities related with real life..
Looking forward...salam...
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Nikmat Hidup
The fact I'm using mother tongue shows how serious I am...hee...
Oh...nikmat hidup...macam2 nikmat...the way I'm feeling right now...setiap nikmat tu sangatlah berharga...just being healthy for example...hari tu demam pun rasa macam nak mati dah...walaupun saya tak tau dahsyatnya rasa mati...tapi...it was so intense to the point I feel "is this life?"....the fact is...IT IS...Saya tak tau macam mana lagi nak ungkapkan perasaan ni...hidup ni memang tak rasa macam dulu...Kalau dulu rasa hidup macam straight to the point sangat...hidup, happy2...friends,family,education n job,wealth n health...nothing else much that I gave more thought about...
Now, the reality of life,...iaitu kematian rasa sangat dekat...rasa macam dah tak ada penghadang or anything stopping me from thinking out of it...there's no reason to pun...Kita harus sedar yang hidup ini hanyalah untuk beribadat kepada Allah...
So, in the process, I feel the bliss of the things I have in life...walaupun ada certain nikmat or things yang dah hilang from me...maybe this is a sign....I gave so much thought thinking about why the things have happenned...or the things I noticed...and I try to keep it at positive tone...I want to be able to face anything at all...with ease....not worrying...just content with keeping the right values with me...
Oh...nikmat hidup...macam2 nikmat...the way I'm feeling right now...setiap nikmat tu sangatlah berharga...just being healthy for example...hari tu demam pun rasa macam nak mati dah...walaupun saya tak tau dahsyatnya rasa mati...tapi...it was so intense to the point I feel "is this life?"....the fact is...IT IS...Saya tak tau macam mana lagi nak ungkapkan perasaan ni...hidup ni memang tak rasa macam dulu...Kalau dulu rasa hidup macam straight to the point sangat...hidup, happy2...friends,family,education n job,wealth n health...nothing else much that I gave more thought about...
Now, the reality of life,...iaitu kematian rasa sangat dekat...rasa macam dah tak ada penghadang or anything stopping me from thinking out of it...there's no reason to pun...Kita harus sedar yang hidup ini hanyalah untuk beribadat kepada Allah...
So, in the process, I feel the bliss of the things I have in life...walaupun ada certain nikmat or things yang dah hilang from me...maybe this is a sign....I gave so much thought thinking about why the things have happenned...or the things I noticed...and I try to keep it at positive tone...I want to be able to face anything at all...with ease....not worrying...just content with keeping the right values with me...
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Some things are better left unsaid
An introvert like me always have these moments where I need to tell myself certain things to keep my mind straight...or mainly because to comfort myself...
I always have moments that I feel like saying everything I feel inside...but then again...I choose not to...Words cannot be retracted...You cant go back on your words...it stays on people's minds...So, I prefer to be safe than sorry...Hence, a lot of things...I kept to myself...before I decide there is a net benefit if I say them...
Today was very unexpected...come to think of it...yesterday was also quite out of the ordinary...I was sick yesterday...but it is still at a preliminary stage of fever...In this case, it would still be okay though if I go to class...Nevertheless, the fever is going to get worse anyway, so I better get some real good rest to quash the fever early on...Of course, that's my mind churning out excuse to not going to Monday's class...my excuses were still acceptable I thought...because that's how I really feel...
Early Monday morning yesterday, I felt a strong desire not to go to class...I just dont feel like going...which honestly....doesnt occur that often...When my father sent me to my apartment, I didnt tell my father that I wasnt planning to go to college that day....But then, as the clock is fast approaching 8.00 am...I felt a dilemma....not on whether to go to class or not...but to tell my father...at first thought...I didnt think in any way my father will know I'm going to college or not...But, the way I'm feeling yesterday was perhaps very "genuine"...I dont have the energy to think too much...I just want to do what my heart tells me and surrender to all consequences...I really dont want to go to college...at the same time, I want my father to know what I'm feeling and my decision...so, I told my father...And, I felt really guilty because all that trouble my father went through....went out of his way and wade through traffic jam...ended up with me not going to my sole objective...Was that something really better if unsaid...at first I feel bad....but now maybe it was good that I have said such thing...
Today's surprise is different...after not going to class yesterday...I feel bad...but thats not all though...I have a sudden urge that I need to go class today...I also had a dream that the AS/A2 result was today...and I didnt realize it until someone told me later it is actually today...my results arent coming out...but my friends' are...
So, today...I met friends from my previous class,PE 11...it was really nice to be able to meet them and catching up...but perhaps this will be the only day that we'll ever see each other again...and again I feel bad about myself...if I havent said enough things...the things that should have been said as a proper farewell...sometimes I wonder if everyone else is thinking the same thing....What could have prevented me from saying the things I wish to say?...I'm not sure...
I see a lot of sad faces too today...which on my account, I really didnt have much courage to give consolations and commiserations...but in my heart, I knew I'm really sympathized with them...I want to sympathize them...but I feel like my words cant reach out to them...because the words are too commonly expressed by everyone...it becomes meaningless and sometimes irritating to the receiver/recipient....I dont want that to happen...in the end, I could only spare some certain words but pray deeply inside...
Reality is quite real...so real...that I feel I could not get out of it...there are really a lot of regrets and reliefs along the pathway of life...and I could never be too sure of my principles and decisions...but it can be really tiring thinking about all these things...being CALCULATIVE about life....I just want to feel relieved and good about the decisions I made without any regrets....but that is not going to be achieved easily...it perhaps can never be achieved...
In reality, the reality that we have now is just a preparation for afterlife...to let go of the world and embrace the afterlife is the real challenge that I have relish without regrets...
I always have moments that I feel like saying everything I feel inside...but then again...I choose not to...Words cannot be retracted...You cant go back on your words...it stays on people's minds...So, I prefer to be safe than sorry...Hence, a lot of things...I kept to myself...before I decide there is a net benefit if I say them...
Today was very unexpected...come to think of it...yesterday was also quite out of the ordinary...I was sick yesterday...but it is still at a preliminary stage of fever...In this case, it would still be okay though if I go to class...Nevertheless, the fever is going to get worse anyway, so I better get some real good rest to quash the fever early on...Of course, that's my mind churning out excuse to not going to Monday's class...my excuses were still acceptable I thought...because that's how I really feel...
Early Monday morning yesterday, I felt a strong desire not to go to class...I just dont feel like going...which honestly....doesnt occur that often...When my father sent me to my apartment, I didnt tell my father that I wasnt planning to go to college that day....But then, as the clock is fast approaching 8.00 am...I felt a dilemma....not on whether to go to class or not...but to tell my father...at first thought...I didnt think in any way my father will know I'm going to college or not...But, the way I'm feeling yesterday was perhaps very "genuine"...I dont have the energy to think too much...I just want to do what my heart tells me and surrender to all consequences...I really dont want to go to college...at the same time, I want my father to know what I'm feeling and my decision...so, I told my father...And, I felt really guilty because all that trouble my father went through....went out of his way and wade through traffic jam...ended up with me not going to my sole objective...Was that something really better if unsaid...at first I feel bad....but now maybe it was good that I have said such thing...
Today's surprise is different...after not going to class yesterday...I feel bad...but thats not all though...I have a sudden urge that I need to go class today...I also had a dream that the AS/A2 result was today...and I didnt realize it until someone told me later it is actually today...my results arent coming out...but my friends' are...
So, today...I met friends from my previous class,PE 11...it was really nice to be able to meet them and catching up...but perhaps this will be the only day that we'll ever see each other again...and again I feel bad about myself...if I havent said enough things...the things that should have been said as a proper farewell...sometimes I wonder if everyone else is thinking the same thing....What could have prevented me from saying the things I wish to say?...I'm not sure...
I see a lot of sad faces too today...which on my account, I really didnt have much courage to give consolations and commiserations...but in my heart, I knew I'm really sympathized with them...I want to sympathize them...but I feel like my words cant reach out to them...because the words are too commonly expressed by everyone...it becomes meaningless and sometimes irritating to the receiver/recipient....I dont want that to happen...in the end, I could only spare some certain words but pray deeply inside...
Reality is quite real...so real...that I feel I could not get out of it...there are really a lot of regrets and reliefs along the pathway of life...and I could never be too sure of my principles and decisions...but it can be really tiring thinking about all these things...being CALCULATIVE about life....I just want to feel relieved and good about the decisions I made without any regrets....but that is not going to be achieved easily...it perhaps can never be achieved...
In reality, the reality that we have now is just a preparation for afterlife...to let go of the world and embrace the afterlife is the real challenge that I have relish without regrets...
Friday, January 4, 2013
Continuation of previous post
Coincidentally...finding this relevant...
Article by The Star (English Malaysian Daily)
Link:
PM: Malaysians blessed to have best food in the world - Nation | The Star Online
Article by The Star (English Malaysian Daily)
Link:
PM: Malaysians blessed to have best food in the world - Nation | The Star Online
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Cooking; Home example of innovation and value added production
Now it's 2013, the reality seems to seep in that I would be flying off to UK this year, contingent on the fact that I do well in fulfilling my conditional offers. Hence, my family including me I guess are going all fronts on making me cook. Yes, cooking classes are now in commencement... There's very few things I can cook for now still, but as for those of you who still havent knew...I'm practically living off biscuits and bread during my time here in Taylors...I also combine breakfast with lunch (brunch)...and sometimes I dont take dinner too (dont ask why I did that)...Which means, I dont have delicate,stringent dietary requirements...just as long as it is edible, I'll survive...So, Im not too worried though if Im not being able to "reconstruct" masak lemak or asam pedas...hopefully, I'll be fine..
So, talking about cooking...I just realized another angle of looking at it...the culinary discipline is complex,mind-boggling, and opens an endless stream of possibilities as much as science and ICT. Cooking can also be considered a form of science...with a fusion of art and creativity. Cooking is a very fine example which all of us can observe the innovation and wealth creation or value adding process in action.
Cooking takes a form of science when it takes into account all different sorts of variables which is available for manipulation at will...timing and measurements are also key to make the intended outcome. Some prior knowledge about how to manage heat and temperature should also come in handy.And there would be a long list of factors and variables to reach the final outcome or result..and the best part is the individual can experiment all the way and spend his entire lifetime...creating and innovating something and discover new things which people desire (when they discovered it much later)....its like research and development (R&D)...
In comparison with the developments of science and technology.... as more things are discovered like nano-technology, higgs boson...and whatever else you may find...it somehow has an effect on people's lives...as these discoveries are used in a way to make our life better in terms of facilitating work or improving health...One should not look down on culinary discipline as inferior compared to science and technology...Our lives pretty much revolve around it too....
If indeed human beings never learned to cook anything else but porridge...I wonder how do we lead our lives then...it is very abstract to say that somehow because of culinary instinct of mankind, it has brought our civilization to a higher level...But to me, culinary also gives humans its characteristics and specialty parallel to culture and also entertainment values...
So, my question is, if the culinary world advances itself....is it going to add more value to this world? I believe if we are talking in the scale of nations...culinary discipline can contribute for tourism and service sector for that particular country....okay...most deviated example would be KFC,Pizza Hut and McDonalds....though the pundits and food critiques may tell me fast foods are not included in the culinary section....but the point is that, the food industry still offers a lot of room for new entrants in the market if people are willing to innovate and create...and I think all of us as consumers will enjoy more choices of food...
In conclusion, the whole post may sound whimsical at first...but one should realize that food is the main thrust for a civilization to thrive...the size of the population also dependent on the existent of food....and because of culinary advancements....we can store and keep foodstuff for a longer period of time...keeping our mind and tastebuds sane from mundane menus...and provides a bountiful of economic opportunities all the way from primary sector until tertiary sector...
But I still cant cook yet...
So, talking about cooking...I just realized another angle of looking at it...the culinary discipline is complex,mind-boggling, and opens an endless stream of possibilities as much as science and ICT. Cooking can also be considered a form of science...with a fusion of art and creativity. Cooking is a very fine example which all of us can observe the innovation and wealth creation or value adding process in action.
Cooking takes a form of science when it takes into account all different sorts of variables which is available for manipulation at will...timing and measurements are also key to make the intended outcome. Some prior knowledge about how to manage heat and temperature should also come in handy.And there would be a long list of factors and variables to reach the final outcome or result..and the best part is the individual can experiment all the way and spend his entire lifetime...creating and innovating something and discover new things which people desire (when they discovered it much later)....its like research and development (R&D)...
In comparison with the developments of science and technology.... as more things are discovered like nano-technology, higgs boson...and whatever else you may find...it somehow has an effect on people's lives...as these discoveries are used in a way to make our life better in terms of facilitating work or improving health...One should not look down on culinary discipline as inferior compared to science and technology...Our lives pretty much revolve around it too....
If indeed human beings never learned to cook anything else but porridge...I wonder how do we lead our lives then...it is very abstract to say that somehow because of culinary instinct of mankind, it has brought our civilization to a higher level...But to me, culinary also gives humans its characteristics and specialty parallel to culture and also entertainment values...
So, my question is, if the culinary world advances itself....is it going to add more value to this world? I believe if we are talking in the scale of nations...culinary discipline can contribute for tourism and service sector for that particular country....okay...most deviated example would be KFC,Pizza Hut and McDonalds....though the pundits and food critiques may tell me fast foods are not included in the culinary section....but the point is that, the food industry still offers a lot of room for new entrants in the market if people are willing to innovate and create...and I think all of us as consumers will enjoy more choices of food...
In conclusion, the whole post may sound whimsical at first...but one should realize that food is the main thrust for a civilization to thrive...the size of the population also dependent on the existent of food....and because of culinary advancements....we can store and keep foodstuff for a longer period of time...keeping our mind and tastebuds sane from mundane menus...and provides a bountiful of economic opportunities all the way from primary sector until tertiary sector...
But I still cant cook yet...
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Contemplating 2012
All
in all, 2012 proved itself to be another turbulent year,brimming with
challenge and endeavour. Each obstacle and hurdle were unique and pose
its own lessons and experience unlike never before. And somehow, all of
the ordeal made me believe that the worst had already passed behind me.
As such, also, I have the confidence to say that Im liking the person I
am now despite whatever changes that occurred. The strength to believe
in the path I chose for myself and to trust my conscience is paramount
if I ever going to be satisfied with myself. The person to believe in
steering this body and soul should be mainly myself. If someone were to
regard me as unsuccessful, I should be the first to defer the definition
of success and take it to my own interpretation.
Talking
about 2013, it seems that all the results and outcomes from the entire
preparation will soon unravel itself. And indeed,it will be a year like
no other,as the 2nd transition point of my life will again take
place. However as of now, anxiety seems to dominate other feelings.
At
the same time, I just want to write a little bit of review about a
drama I watched during the holidays, Shining Inheritance. The theme of the drama is quite
interesting which is family vs moral conscience. Majority of the plot
and storyline revolves around the issue of choosing between family and
doing the right thing, which is no easy task. Not many people can easily
decide to choose doing the right thing over family interest. Hence,
viewers will have a really hard time putting themselves in the shoes
of the characters in the drama.
Interestingly enough for me, I find it hard to ultimately hate the antagonists (stepmother and stepsister). Usually in dramas I've seen, the bad person is so bad until you cant see any good in the person (which is not how reality works). The evil stepmother and confused stepsister both have solid reasons which is why their evil acts appeared "acceptable". I like the fact that the antagonist has good justifications to their every action, so you cant really help but to sometimes compromise with the bad guys.
I wish I could summarize the drama...but the story is really complicated and dense...so you have to watch it yourself to really get the idea of it...
Basically, the main crux of the drama is about the sincerity of the relationship between family members, especially with step-families...And also trust between mankind through good deeds...Unscrupulous and greedy for money (Inheritance) ...Corporate management which prioritizes employees welfare...and of course...love and compassion.
Basically, the main crux of the drama is about the sincerity of the relationship between family members, especially with step-families...And also trust between mankind through good deeds...Unscrupulous and greedy for money (Inheritance) ...Corporate management which prioritizes employees welfare...and of course...love and compassion.
Interestingly enough for me, I find it hard to ultimately hate the antagonists (stepmother and stepsister). Usually in dramas I've seen, the bad person is so bad until you cant see any good in the person (which is not how reality works). The evil stepmother and confused stepsister both have solid reasons which is why their evil acts appeared "acceptable". I like the fact that the antagonist has good justifications to their every action, so you cant really help but to sometimes compromise with the bad guys.
One
thing though, this is a 28 episode drama, hence the progress of the story is painstakingly slow, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. And you would probably be yelling at the
screen a lot due to infinitesimal near misses in the drama which lead to
more dilly dally in the next episode. You can get quite frustrated too as the viewer to notice that everyone in the drama knows everyone but no one actually knows that everyone knows everyone! (Get it!!) =.=
I
learned a lot from this drama. Definitely "blood is thicker than water"
proverb does not stand in a world where moral values are upholded. I find it definitely worth watching and worth my time spent a week to finish it..
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